Hi again.
This is a lengthy read, but if you don't want to go over all of it I'll put a little disclaimer that I'm no longer writing homestuck and will be explaining where I've been below - since I've been inactive since 2017.
My name's Shibaan, but I'm sure that many of you who've seen this collection through the years know me as Rae, or Raelin, or Raelean, or somewhere along the lines of that. That is the name I used to go by for my demon persona, who I now call Raelyn. Raelyn is no longer my persona, but a regular original character who I am still fond of using in both my writing and my art. She has evolved just as much as I did these past few years, going from a demon to a dark elf and gaining a more polished backstory. Like her, I grew in realising my own identity- I have finally identified what it is I feel uncomfortable with being in my own body, and that is the fact that I have never felt female in terms of gender, nor male-attracted. I am non-binary and a lesbian, and now go by they/them pronouns so I ask you to respect them.
I started writing this little collection of headcanons sometime in the January of 2015, sometime after I just turned 11. I am 15 now and have grown so much since then.
That little competition I ran back in 2016 kickstarted my confidence to show off my ocs and my stories and my art- and I thank all the people who participated in it.
At 11, I was an anxious, obnoxious kid who scared everyone away with my overenthusiastic interests and whose writing was constantly overshadowed by the far greater achievements of everyone around me. My art was mediocre at best and I struggled with a crippling lack of self-esteem from it, obsessively poring over Warrior Cat MAPs like Marshal Dear and the old warrior cat animations. I would idolise the people I saw making these animations, and scoffed at the idea of even talking to these people who were so obviously out of my league.
At 15, I have now won a local short story competition two years in a row, am known as the so-called JK Rowling of my school, been shortlisted for a Writer's Digest competition, made a youtube channel for animations - leniently used, i can't make proper animations since I lack the software for it- , successfully joined the maps of people I've very much looked up to in the past, talked to and had my art praised by and become friends with some of them, will have my voiceacting featured in an acclaimed warrior cats map, and feel at peace with myself for the first time ever. I have matured into a person I feel my 11-year-old would look up to and be proud of, and am still maturing. While I still am anxious and awkward, I have made something of myself and have learned a lot of valuable lessons in navigating various relationships.
I was primarily very active in the homestuck, drawn to life, harry potter, how to train your dragon, killjoys, attack on titan, shadowhunters, percy jackson, bandom, and warriors fandoms. While I am still very active in Warriors - my first fandom - my focus has now gravitated to other fandoms; The Dragon Prince, Gotham, Game of Thrones, Skyrim, and Dragon Age being some of them. I was in the The Umbrella Academy fandom for a while before I realised how problematic the relationship between Alison and Luther was. All of the first mentioned fandoms have a special place in my heart, but I've moved on from many of them. My tastes grow and shift over time and I have found new things I am interested in.
Being in the homestuck fandom had its fond memories for me- I made a lot of friends here, some of whom I left behind when I went on my lengthy hiatus. The series itself was an escape for me from some difficult issues I was experiencing with my friends at the time- strangled by my best friend, all my other friends taking his side, being on my own for a year. It left me very estranged from the people who loved me despite it in my real life, and I secluded myself in the homestuck community on instagram and wattpad.
It was on instagram that I was exposed to NSFW content involving homestuck characters- the smutwednesday and smutstuck hashtags ran rampant back then, and although it didn't really mess me up all that much - I certainly never intended to see them, having followed some homestuck accounts for cool art - it got me grounded from instagram for three years, and whatever internet use I had was constantly monitored and supervised. My parents are good people, but ultimately they do not understand how at home I feel in online fandoms and how it makes me so much more emotionally stable than interacting with a great many of my real friends.
MLM slash fiction like Kellic and Frerard was my main reading material in my early teens, and while I now recognise it as problematic, having something to read that wasn't the same cishet bull was very helpful to young confused 10-year-old me. I will not write any more bandom fanfiction, as I now know that shipping real life people is harmful.
Skydoesminecraft, raughy, Chrissietheeevee, G0ldsand, and Thekellinunderthevic were people whose stories I've followed a long time. The one thing they've all had in common was that they evolved into the people they have today- and it is something that I will undergo too.
I am no longer heartbrokendevils, sylphtome, azurecoven, wyrdwyvern, sildarabell or rebelangst. I am shenzibell/fenrisnerevar, and I am at peace with it.
I will reactivate this account and hopefully become more active on it, and will use it to upload new pieces of writing that I have made in the fandoms as I am now in. I hope you all are happy with the direction I will now take.
I love you all for sticking with this dumb little collection this far. Thank you so much for making my stay here a good one.
If you want to keep up with what I'm up to nowadays, you can find me on twitter @fenrisnerevar . Ciao.
