a diary of a depressed girl.

i don't know how to name this

I am sad and i wanna die. Basically those are my feelings now. I have anxiety, depression, i'm constantly crying over every f*cking thing. Are you mad at me? ....if you are, than there's a big chance that i'm gonna cry over that. Are you yelling at me? Of course i'm gonna burst into tears. I justhate my life so much. I hate myself, not because i wouldn't like my body, my face, my personality etc. but I hate the person who I became. I never was like this. I was always happy and optimistic. I always had an amazing mood amd if I was sad, I never let anyone know it. I was crying just rarely and if that happend, I cried and than forgot about it. Now when i start crying, I can't stop. There's nothing that could somehow stop me from crying and it makes me cry as well. It's just a crazy roundabout with no way to stop it.

I'm beggin God, Universe, myself and everybody around me for help, but I'm too scared to say it out loud. I feel like a have a depression but what if not? What if it's really just my personality? I don't have anyone who I could tell this. Anyone who could help me.

People say, that anxiety and depression end with suicide if you don't treat them. I never believed it, but now I do. Now I know that it's not just something that will come and go. You have to treat it. I have to treat it, because I'm deffinitely noticing how the suicide is closer and closer to me. Now I have thoughts that everything is gonna be finally ok, when I'm gonna kill myself and the paint inside me will end forever.