Rising Hopes:《 Hinata Shouyou x Reader 》

If Only

(Y/N)'s P.O.V :

the next morning came already, I didn't sleep at all. the regret was eating me alive, my tears just didn't seem to dry out. but it was okay. . .

right?

after what I did I only deserved that.... even if it was for the best, that's what I believed at least...

light knocks on the bedroom's door followed by grandma's voice broke my train of thoughts,

"(N/n) ?"

just hearing her voice made me feel like crying again,

afraid of the possibility of my voice cracking up if I were to reply I kept quiet and just rolled over in my bed my back now facing the door.

hearing the wooden door being slowly opened, grandma's soft voice said "(Y/n) sweetheart ! it's time to wake up or else you'll be late for school"

'I don't want to go....  I can't'

3rd Person's P.O.V :

after receiving a sniffle and (Y/n) shuffling and covering her head with the bed sheet as an answer the old woman just stared at her granddaughter's back sadly.

She left the room closing the door after, realizing that you didn't want to go to school for some reason and needed some time alone.

she was finally happy to see the old (Y/n) slowly returning,  however her happiness didn't seem to last long since the state she just saw you in didn't show any good sign and it really saddened her.

—

Now that your grandmother left, you're once again thinking....  Just thinking....

Just when did you start liking your life... Just when did you think living this cursed life wasn't that bad.... Yeah it was when you pushed all the burden you were carrying off your shoulders to Hinata's...

You were stupid... 

You were selfish...

If only you didn't meet Hinata,

If only you didn't come to this town,

If only you went with your family and died with them, or could their fate change and now you would be happy living your life going to Nekoma with your friends ? either way it would've been for the best if you weren't born in the first place.

These were the thoughts that ran all over your mind.

Your mind was just a mess, clouded with regret, just his face flashing in front of your eyes caused a great pain in your chest, letting out a shaky heavy breath running your now trembling hands through your hair you started to miss the feeling of satisfaction you get when you cut your wrist, the feeling of realizing the true colors of the world, the feeling that let you always remember the world you're living in, the feeling that lets your heart rest from all the regret believing that you received your punishment for all the awful things you did even if it was just temporary.

But again imagining your grandmother's sad face if you die was enough to stop these thoughts from taking over you.... But then again was it really for your grandmother ? Weren't these just cheap excuses to not do it because you were afraid of dying? Despite wanting it all these years. Afraid of meeting your family in the afterlife?

You didn't know....

Thinking of a way to escape the darkness you've fallen into you thought maybe eating something would somehow cheer you up.