WE'LL MEET AGAIN

NON, JE NE REGRETTE RIEN

" he who's down one day can be up the next, unless he really wants to stay in bed, that is...  "

it was a struggle to get out of bed every morning.  either that, or he didn't go to bed at all.  a few hundred punches to his punching bag, playing around with his food, more working out & maybe a shower every few days would take up his week. 

and then it took up his months.
it was too painful.  not the snap itself, but the constant reminder of the lost ones.  he'd lost peggy, he'd lost bucky more times than he wished, and now he'd lost not only sam but half of his team.  half of the people he was used to seeing every morning.

he'd wake up to the sound of his friends eating breakfast in the compound, ' good morning's '  being heard on a chorus everytime someone entered the room.  the playful fighting and arguing of everyone had become something that he'd never gotten tired of seeing.  not even when he hadn't slept because of a mission.

now it was empty.  well, almost.  the lack of noise was disturbing to him.  it gave him mixed feelings.  memories were being brought up almost everytime he entered.  the snap didn't take a big toll on him, it was the fact that they lost.  that he saw them vanish right in front of him.

weren't the heroes supposed to always win ? 

but as the years passed he started to get better.  the captain started not only helping himself but also started helping others that just like him, couldn't seem to move on.  but ad minuscule as his improvement seemed, it was alot.

and as the years progressed, so did his improvement.  he started getting out of bed earlier and joining nat for breakfast.  he got that apartment in brooklyn that he always wished for.  it was almost too good to be true.

he just wished he could bring everyone back.

then tony came along, again.  his weak state made his lip slightly quiver, but he couldn't feel tears. 

and then the argument  -    and i needed you. as in past tense. that trumps what you need. it's too late buddy. sorry. you know what i need?  i need to shave.   -  and i believe i remember telling you, cap. otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world. remember that? whether it impacted our precious freedom or not- that's what we needed! i said, "we'll lose". you said, "we'll do that together too." and guess what, cap? we lost. you weren't there. but that's what we do, right? our best work after the fact? we're the avengers, we're the avengers. not the prevengers, right? bunch of tired old mills. i got nothing for you, cap. i got no coordinates, no clues, no plan, no options. zero. zip. nada. no trust. liar.

liar.

and when they got them back, it seemed more like a curse than anything else.

they lost tony.  he lost tony.  he lost the only piece of trust he had.  his last hope to help save everyone.

they lost and he was there this time, but tony wasn't there now.  not emotionally, atleast.  his mind wasn't there anymore.

    liar.