Behind the mask I hide

Day 1

Hi everyone I'm here with my friends atleast I think of it, well actually they are my friends but they treated me differently and I hate it not because of it,  it because they always throw my things,  make fun of me, I only laughed as they did it, cause I just don't want to be alone, I know its selfish, it just it makes me deppresed more and I don't want that, and I also have parents thay are very overprotective atleast they do but they always scold me of how I am now, I was never free, and I was never allowed,  you guys might think of this too but I like Japanese song and anime song, they make me happy and alive and make my heart warm that I never felt before, and actually I'm listening one right now, the only I want in my life is to be free and be myself,but actually Im scared of some people sometimes that they might think I'm a freak or something I'm scared but I bieleve in God and I'm happy he's here cause every time I'm sad and scared and alone I always think that it's fine because there's still one person who love the way you are and that's God and thats why and I always have a mask in my face cause when they make a joke or insult me in a funny way they always laughed and I laughed too but in the inside I was hit with a arrows peirced into it, although I'm used to it now cause I have many arrows in my heart that it was not healed nor it was gone it always leaves a scar with a burden and regrets with it, I have little sister and I'm the oldest, long ago they treat me like an older sister I was happy but years passed by they treated Me as shit, this always they say,"I hope you die, crazy, so, loser"they think it never bothered me cause I always passed by and pass it at them,  but it hurts like hell in my broken heart, and every night when everyone is asleep, I always cry and watch depressing videos and listening to some depressing songs cause I want to take it out, and it happens sometimes.