Prologue Bernice was glued to the TV watching an episode of MediocreChef. This show was bad, and the only reason she was watching it was because her parents were in that episode. Completely ignore the fact her parents had left their five-year-old daughter alone in the house.
"Bert and Bertha," the host said to Bernice’s parents. "This is terrible. It tastes like poo soaked in ***** and ****ed by a ***ing *** and shoved down a *** and fried in burnt lard and then buried in the garden with deadly ****** grown over it and dug up and pissed on by a dog that had been given birth to by a ******* and *******…"
10 MINUTES LATER…
"… and ****ed and **** in a ***… and in other words, it tastes like shit."
Mr and Mrs Stultus reached for the knives the host had behind him as decoration. They took a knife each and killed themselves with it in a gruesome way on live national television. Despite being in front of a TV several miles away, blood sprayed onto Bernice’s horrified face. She switched off the TV and vowed that someday, she would become a really, really amazingly good cook so she could go on that show and stab the **** out of this host’s eyes and brains and serve his eyes and brains to the other hosts and make them and eat them and slash them apart and tie them up to a ****ing string and…
10 MINUTES LATER…
… and force them at gunpoint to **** each other sideways and shoot them in the ****s and in short, get revenge.
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Linguine Apples
Humor"Loving Linguine" was written by myself and NathanielAlbano. What generally happens is that we both come up with the idea, someone (generally me) writes the chapter and then the other one (generally her) changes it beyond recognition and posts it on...
