Teach Me (GxG)

Twelve

I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. Growing up in my family, there was no such thing as sleeping in. There was no such thing as being late. My parents have always been very punctual. I guess that's something good I got from my father.

But I couldn't bring myself to leave my bed. It was Monday morning. I checked the time on my phone. I'm usually in my closet looking for an outfit right about now.

I groaned loudly. Ever since the party, I had been sulking. I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt being with Noah. The whole world came to a halt. I was so focused on her and only her. She made me feel something.

It physically repulsed me.

I knew that feelings were normal, and Noah wasn't a terrible person to like. She was cute and short and she fidgets a lot which is so adorable and-GODDAMNIT.

I groaned again before hitting myself with a pillow.  This could not be happening to me. No, no I can't feel this way. I don't want to be with someone. I don't want to have romantic feelings with someone.

I have only been in three relationships before. I have only been in love once. 

Thinking about my first-my only-love only made me feel worse. She was the first girl that I had ever been with. I was so madly and blindly in love with her. I would have given her my life. I haven't dated anyone since her.

I don't know if I'll ever fully get over her. I think I've done a good enough job. She hurt me badly, and I'll always hate her for that. I didn't think about her often, but when I did, it was hell. For example, right now. Memories of her seeped into my mind. It was torture, but I didn't push the thoughts away. Instead, I halfheartedly welcomed them.

Her beautiful brown hair flew freely as she drove us away. We had spent some hours together outside of town near a lake. I missed it already. I momentarily gazed out the window at the blurred trees we passed, but no sight was as beautiful as her face. I caught myself lost in her beauty, studying how some strands were a lighter brown than the others, how golden her eyes looked in the sun, how soft her lips looked.

She chuckled. "You know, I can feel you staring at me. It's a little distracting with me driving and all."

I felt heat rush to my cheeks. She had always managed to make me a shy mess. I shifted my eyes to the window again while tucking my hair behind my ear. "Sorry. I can't help it."

"Don't be sorry." She reached her right hand over to my thigh. She rubbed her thumb over my skin. It was such a simple action but it made my heart melt. "It's cute, but not nearly as cute as you."

I tried to cover my large grin with my hair, not bothering to reply because I knew I would stumble over my words. Being with her was like a dream. A dream that I never in a million years thought I'd be lucky enough to have.

"We're almost there."

I frowned. "I already wanna go back."

She tightened her grip on my thigh in a reassuring way. "Don't worry, we'll have so many opportunities to go back. Maybe next time we could go someplace... further away?"

I couldn't hold back the huge smile that was begging to show. Next time. "Maybe... Paris?"

"If that's where you wanna go, then okay. We'll be in Paris before you know it." The sun hit her face in the most perfect way as she smiled deeply at me. I loved her so much. I loved her more than I loved anyone else in my life. All I wanted to do was hold her and never let go.

"I can't wait."

I forced myself to open my eyes as the memory faded away. It was pathetic. I shouldn't think about her or about how happy she made me. I hadn't seen her in three years. I should have been over her by now. As much I hated her, my heart wasn't ready to stop loving her. I should have left that part of me behind, but I couldn't. It didn't hurt as much as it used to, but my heart still faltered with every thought of her.