Trust \\ KELLIC

8

I sat on my bed, legs crossed and staring at the shiny piece of metal placed on the sheets in front of me. The razor sharp edge was tempting. I had never done it though. I had never actually gone through with self-harm, but I considered it sometimes. The last time I thought about it was when I was forced to move back to Michigan when I was 16. I probably would have done it too if my mother hadn't have shown up.

I sighed and shook my head, snapping me out of the little trance I was in. This wouldn't help anything. This wouldn't make me happy.

"Stupid idea." I muttered to myself. I picked the blade up and put it back in the bedside table drawer. I don't know why I think of doing these things. It was just something that was always in the back of my mind whenever I get upset. I guess I was curious to see if it would make me feel better like a lot of kids these days say it does. I doubt it would though.

I stood up from the bed and considered going down stairs. It was the weekend so there was a party for Vic's birthday that was earlier this week. Part of me wanted to just ignore the whole party but since I could hear the music blaring through the walls, I couldn't really do that. It was unhealthy of me to stay in my room just like I had pretty much from the second I came back. I guess it couldn't hurt to go out for a little while even though I didn't feel like socializing. So I left my room, going out to the hallway which was littered with people waiting to use one of the bathrooms. There was a couple making out right in front of me and people were smoking, most likely weed. This is what parties here are usually like.

I walked down the hall and down the stairs to see the lights dimmed and a lot of people dancing in the living room. The couch and coffee table had been pushed against one of the walls to make more room. I walked around, recognizing people here and there and giving a quick 'hey' to some of them. I made my way into the kitchen and saw Jenna, Jaime, Tony, Brooke and a few others in there. It looked like Jenna and Jaime were in the middle of a drinking game against each other.

"Take that sucker! I am the champion!" Jenna proclaimed as she slammed her empty shot glass back down on the table. Jaime looked embarrassed that he had lost whatever game they had been playing. Jenna noticed me standing there and grinned widely.

"Kellin!" She shouted a little too loudly and hopped over to me. She wrapped her arms around me tightly, swaying back and forth. She was definitely wasted.

"Someone's a little drunk." I commented. Jenna pulled back and pouted.

"Me? Drunk? No, I do not get drunk!" She said, her words slurring. If I wasn't so down in the dumps I probably would have laughed at her, but I could barely bring a smile to my lips.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever you say." I said and walked past her. I went over to the pile of red plastic cups, picked one up and then went over to the alcohol. I filled the cup with vodka and orange juice. May as well get wasted to forget my life, right? I took a big mouthful and then pushed my way through the few other people in the kitchen and went back out to the party. I wanted to see who else was here and I knew most people would be out on the beach so I looked towards the glass sliding door. Last time I had looked out there I caught Vic and Beau together. The memories made me cringe.

This time however when I looked out the door I saw a lot of people, but mainly my focus was on Vic, Mike and Beau. They were all on the patio, surrounded by people of course. There were people everywhere. Vic and Mike were playing beer pong and Beau was a few feet back leaning against the railing, watching them, smiling whenever Vic or Mike missed and had to take a drink. I hated the fact that he was smiling. I absolutely hated it. He was the reason I couldn't smile now and had no intentions of smiling in the near future, yet here he is smiling away like a happy, care free person. Why should he be happy? He doesn't deserve it.