Heart of Wonderland

Chapter 4

May 16th, 4:00 p.m.

      Pinocchio would kill me if he knew I'd made a pit stop on my way home. Pinocchio and Puss the Cat just didn't get along particularly well. If only Puss would have stopped threatening to use Pinocchio as a scratching post and Pinocchio would have stopped suggesting that he'd poison my cat. I knew for a fact that neither of them would hurt the other. Puss would do what he did and come home for dinner. Then it would be back out to the alleys and the fields where he lived. Pinocchio would just put food in the cat's dish and be on his way. My wish was that, someday, they could be friends. I kept hoping that, if I left them alone together enough, that a friendship would somehow blossom.

      So anyway, back to my pit stop. Well, I really shouldn't call it a pit stop, because it was much more of a significant place to me than that. But I don't really know how else to describe it.

      I was at this old cove that now had become a shrine to the lost princess, Jewel. It was a place where both aquatic and land-walking mammals could visit and pay their respects. I had to say, out of all the different princesses from all the different lands, she had been my favorite, and yet she had to be the one that died.

Haven: "Damn it, Jewel. Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to give up your fins and your voice to try and win the affections of some man who just let you down? Why did you do all this without telling your friends that this was what you were going to do? Maybe, we could have helped you and you'd still be alive now. At least you got to return to the ocean, your home, even if it was in death. I miss you, Jewel."

      I dropped to my knees and began to cry. It was the type of crying that only added to the pain and made your whole body shake. I was just glad that no one was around to see me fall apart, especially when I began to dry heave because I had gotten myself so worked up.

Cheshire Cat: "Haven, why are you crying?"

Haven: "What... are you... doing... here?"

Cheshire Cat: "I followed you."

Haven: "Why?"

      The Cheshire Cat grinned at me.

Cheshire Cat: "You have to figure that out."

Haven: "Tell me, or go away."

Cheshire Cat: "Catch me, first."

      I wiped my eyes and stood. My anger suddenly stronger then my pain allowed me to chase after that menacing cat. Cheshire only came around when he was bored and wanted to cause mischief or when he wanted to complicate things. I just wanted him gone so I could go back to mourning, something I had never really gotten to do before, because of the crises in Wonderland and being on the run.

      As I chased the Cheshire Cat, I gained speed as we neared the water. I wasn't going to stop just because it meant that I was going to get wet. Rather than fear the water, I picked up speed and, when I knew I had him, I dove. I felt my arms come around him as he and I hit the water. When I reemerged, expecting to have the Cheshire Cat in my arms, I held a bottle instead, much to my dismay.

Haven: "Why couldn't you just hand me the damn bottle, Cheshire? Now I'm fucking wet and annoyed. The contents of this bottle better be worth getting wet or, I swear, the next time I see you, you will pay."

     I opened the bottle with little to no finesse and as I did, smoke shot up into my face, making me cough. Damn cat... he would be the death of me. With my luck, the smoke that I had just breathed in probably contained some ancient disease that was going to kill me painfully and slowly. At this point, I was frowning and just decided to dump the bottle upside down, which resulted in a letter falling onto the ground. I picked up the letter and read it.

Haven: "And they lived happily ever after... that's it? Fuck you, Cheshire. You made me dive into the ocean to read something you might find in a damn cookie!"

      I ripped up the paper and tossed it back inside the bottle before hurling it out into the ocean. Happily, ever after didn't exist for exiled Princesses, and for that cat to rub it in my face was just cruel. I was now ready to go home. I was tired of being here.

      As I got back into my carriage and started driving away, I watched as the ocean got further and further away. I was so relieved to put some distance between me and my friend's shrine. It hurt too much to be at her watery grave. The last thing I saw before I rounded the bend was a shadowy figure running across the beach. I wouldn't have been half surprised if it had been Cheshire, back again, but I didn't care to investigate. I just wanted to be gone... so then, I was.

May 16th, 9:00 p.m.

Pinocchio: "You smell kind of funny."

Haven: "I decided to take a swim in the ocean."

Pinocchio: "Really? Isn't it kind of cold to be swimming in the water so soon?"

Haven: "I was being sarcastic. I didn't choose to end up in the water. That is on Cheshire."

Pinocchio: "I see we both had cat issues today."

Haven: "Puss isn't an issue. If you just let him wear his boots while you watched him, he'd be nice. Cheshire, on the other hand, needs to be put down. He's an awful little creature, always causing problems. As a child, he was my playmate, but as I grew older I learned that being around Cheshire meant trouble followed. He just doesn't know how to be serious, ever. All he ever wants to do is play."

Pinocchio: "In all fairness, don't most of the beings in Wonderland want to just play? And isn't that also why you wanted to turn it into a tourist attraction?"

Haven: "I don't care if people want to have fun, but there comes a point where you've got to stop playing games and just deal with reality. For fairies' sake, I don't know if my mom is crazy or if she's playing some kind of game. Everyone I grew up with is one step away from being completely mad."

Pinocchio: "It's life. I mean, look at me. I'm trapped in a puppet's body and the only thing I ever wanted was to really be alive. I want to have a heartbeat and to feel it. I want to be able to smell the roses and kiss the rain. Sometimes, the pain of this body is almost too much to deal with and I want to give up, but I don't. You just push the pain down. Sure, life isn't what you expected, and the people you grew up with were nuts, but they loved you. Your people love you, despite your trying your hardest to sway their minds otherwise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really have to go. I have to get back to my master... oops, I mean my father."

      I watched as Pinocchio walked off. I felt sort of bad that I always vented to him when he had problems of his own. It was just that the only thing that was keeping me sane was him. I didn't want to end up like my mother, locked up in some asylum. But mostly, I didn't want to end up like Jewel, so consumed with pain that I'd do anything to escape. I didn't want to give all the backstabbers and traitors the satisfaction of my demise. I just wanted my home back, along with my old happy life, when things were simple.

      I was almost half tempted to go to find Channing, so I could find a couple hours of escape, but I didn't think that was a good idea. Every once in a while, when we got around to using each other, that was fine, but I didn't want to become dependent on him to curb my pain. Channing didn't love me, and he never would. He enjoyed his freedom too much to ever want to settle down, or so he'd told me like a million times. He always said someday I'd end up with a real nice guy, like a lord, duke, or prince, but I'd never much cared for that idea. I just thought it was a shame tha the and I couldn't work out, because we were good together. He made me laugh and,no matter what he did, I could never stay mad at him. Channing and I were just friends. And with that thought, I readied myself for bed.