Juniper's Smile (divergent fanfiction)

Chapter 1

            Our factions are supposed to tell us who we are, what we believe in, where we belong. The only thing we have to decide is which one to join. The choice will change the rest of our lives, for better, or for worse. I just want to make sure I’m making the right choice. Abnegation has been my life for so long. And I believe in selflessness, I do. But when I see the Dauntless climbing that metal structure outside school, higher and higher, I just can’t help but smile. The thrill at just the thought of being so high brings me joy.

            But it would be selfish of me to take that kind of joy for myself. That’s the kind of behavior I know my parents would be ashamed of.  “Forget what you want, Guy. Think of them,” my mother always says. She says this with hope in her eyes, but deep down I know she truly believes that I’ll never be as selfless as she and my father. I’ll never be able to truly forget myself. She probably expects me to leave, and part of me wants to. To see what else could be out there for me, to see where I truly belong. But the other part of me wants to stay, where I’m comfortable, safe, where everything’s familiar. And I know I’ll always have the love of my family as support.

            I’ve always felt a great need to have my family around me, but after the aptitude tests told me that I was meant to be Dauntless, that need started to lessen, and it was replaced with the need to find my place. There I go being selfish again. Another reason for me to believe that leaving is the best option. I’ve been sitting in my dull grey room for a long time, all of these thoughts running through my mind. When there’s a knock at the door.

            My mother stands in the doorway with a kind smile on her face. My mother is a beautiful woman, with warm brown hair and glowing green eyes. But because we’re Abnegation, My father and I are the only ones who will ever really see that beauty.  “My I come in?” she asks, and I nod quietly. She sits next to me on my bed, and we’re both silent for a long time. She finally says quietly, “I just want you to know that whatever choice you make; I know will be the right one. I’m sure of it.”

            “I wish I was that sure,” I answer. She envelopes me in a hug, and I hug her back so tightly, holding on to my mother for dear life.

            She holds me for the longest time, and then whispers in my ear, “This is the only time I’ll ever tell you this, but tonight, you must think of yourself. Think about what you want. You don’t get another chance.” She kisses my cheek and then with an “I love you” releases me and leaves.

            I’m a little shocked by what she said. My mother’s only ever told me to think of others, to forget myself. And now she wants me to do the opposite. It’s the kind of love she just showed that almost makes me want to stay, but it’s what she just told me that makes me decide that I can’t.

            As I stand in line for the Choosing Ceremony and say goodbye to my parents for the last time, I’m not as nervous as I thought I would be. I know my choice, I accept it, and I believe my parents do too. They both hug me tightly and tell me how much they love me, and I do the same right back. There are tears in my mother’s eyes as she walks away. There would’ve been some in mine too, but I’ve been much of crier.

            This year is Amity’s turn to run the Ceremony, so Johanna gives the normal speech about how the factions system was made and about the importance of our choice. I barely pay attention even when she slowly begins calling names. I do watch others go up, cut their hands, and drop their blood into different metal bowls, but I’m mostly thinking of what it will be like when I get up there. We go I alphabetical order so mine is close to last, but finally Johanna calls out “Guy Thomas” and I slowly walk towards her. She hands me the knife with a smile, and I slide the sharp end over the edge of my palm. It burns, but I ignore the pain, and put my hand out over the bowl of burning coals. I hear my blood sizzle and the Dauntless cheer. I believe I’ve made the right choice but still feeling guilt in my chest, I look to my mother for assurance. She’s crying, but through the tears she looks back at me, smile and nods, and I know I’ve done the right thing.