The Lost and Hidden Years

Chapter Thirty-One

The passing months had brought on many new things. The spring had fallen into summer giving life to the ranch where now Björn, Agnetha, Anna, and Linda live. Linda had a growing belly, as she was expecting a little girl. Anna had busied her summer with horseback riding lessons from Tomas and Luke, meanwhile Agnetha often looked after gardening in her spare time. That isn't to say she had all the time in the world. In fact, she was busy elsewhere.

It had been nearly eight months since her kidnapping, and although the past few months had been simple and quiet in her surroundings, she was still seeking therapy. Battles including those around her were not the ones keeping her mind occupied, but instead a battle of her own was happening inside her head. Insomnia was the biggest struggle, along with fear and uncertainty. Her home was secured yet it was difficult for her to have a clear conscious. When she does sleep, she wakes up in nightmares. Her main reason for therapy was this. The memory and the guilt remained with her and the fear of it all happening again.

At 2:43 AM she left the bed. She had woken up irritated. The heat of the summer was causing her to sweat and feel burning of her skin– sticky, damp and bothersome. Björn was asleep beside her and she could feel the warmth of his body, which hadn't made it any better. Parched, she found her way into the kitchen, lit only by a small night light. Agnetha opened the cupboard for a glass of water, sighing minimally from her stretch. She was half asleep, eyes closed and barely concentrated on any thought at all.

One moment she was drinking from her cup, and in the second she had felt hands on her hips traveling up, lips against her neck, and the glass falling from her hand. She didn't have the time to think or scream. Her heart had stopped with only one person coming to mind to touch her that way. She fought it as she turned around and quickly swung her hand against his cheek. She stared at him for a few moments blankly, her heart sank as he held his left cheek.

"Agnetha, it's just me," Björn said in shock. He watched her round eyes puddle and noticed how heavily she was breathing, causing her chest to rise and fall fast.

"Björn..." she began to hyperventilate from fear and shame that she had just hit him, and suddenly her tears couldn't be locked away. She covered her mouth and sunk to the floor where he quickly followed her. "I thought... I didn't think..."

"Hey," he put his arms around her. "It's fine, baby. No one's here. It's me." His face fell. He knew about nightmares, but this was new. This one had never occurred with them.

"I'm sorry. Björn, I'm so sorry."

"Come. Don't worry," he helped her up. Björn removed the glass off the floor after he made sure she was fine, and reentered the bedroom with her.

They laid beside one another, seeing one another's face. Neither of them spoke, but both had thought about what just happened.

"Talk to me," he asked as he stroked her face.

"I'm scared. I'm still scared of him," her tears gently escaped her eyes and fell to the pillows.

"You told me he didn't touch you."

"You came out of nowhere and I wasn't prepared," she moved away from what he was saying.

"Don't– baby, don't do that."

"I want him out of my head, Björn. I want him gone. I want him gone. I want hi–" she repeated and cried into his chest as she tried to wipe away any image and feeling of Gert groping her body, squeezing and taking away her personal space in violation. His aggressive hands and his breaths were hard to forget. She wished very much to forget.

"I know. He's not gonna hurt you. I'll kill him. You'll get there, baby. He'll be gone." A lump grew in his throat and the strong heart of his had become burned. It hurt to see her that way and it hurt even more to hear her. "You're so strong, you'll make it. You'll forget everything. Baby, think of everything else. Don't think of him. Think of our future. We're a family, Anna's here, Linda's having a little girl. Christian's doing great things. You and I are going to share our lives together, no one will stop that."

"I'm happy where we are, I swear, I am... I'm afraid of messing it up again. And I don't know how much longer of this torture I can bear. I can't do it anymore."

"As long as you'll need, darling. Step by step."

He held her close and laid wide awake, thinking what her experience was like. He fought tears himself, running his hand along her back until she ceased her meltdown. Agnetha fell asleep at last in his arms that didn't unwrap from around her until the very next morning. He had slipped his arm from beneath her and prepared coffee.

It was certain he was restless. He couldn't recall the time he had finally fallen asleep again after the circling thoughts of what had occurred between him and Agnetha. Therapy was improving her anxiety. Her hands stopped their tremble and her courage was restored. Her loved ones were around and everyone was getting along, or so it seemed to him. Among many who were happy for Bjorn and Agnetha, there of course were those who lacked to show support.

Emma was a tender person, yet her mother's thoughts always an influence. She had felt the same way when she found out that her father was again in a relationship with Agnetha.

They had openly told their close family and friends about moving forward together. It was bound to happen and those who knew Björn and Agnetha's history knew it should have happened years ago, but have kept their mouths closed due to respect. However, since his and Lena's divorce it had all become clear how everyone suddenly encouraged the relationship of Björn and Agnetha.

Though she dreaded dinner, Emma had only done so for her siblings and her father. She used to be fine with Agnetha, but since her parents divorce and the revelations from some months ago, she had taken a turn. She didn't want to be near her. To her, it was the reason her parents had grown apart many years ago.

"I'm moving to England," she blurted out when the family has quieted. "Well, I want to at least." She was serious and her tone was clear. She stared at the partially missing meal on the dinner table and heard only sounds of forks and plates. Björn stared her quietly with narrowed eyes trying to understand where it had come from.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to move. I want to study there. I miss London."

"But your entire family is here. Why England? You can study here. "

"So? I'm eighteen. I want to go back."

"I don't think so, sweetheart," he shut her down immediately. Everyone watched her as the news was a shock to them as well.

"Well, I've already talked to mom."

"I don't care, Emma. I won't leave you to go to England alone. That's final." She stared at him in disbelief, angry and trying to control her temper.

"But that's not fair! Give me a reason why I shouldn't."

"Because I want you to remain close. You have my support in many things, but to move there, right now, no." Emma rolled her eyes and felt a building of pressure in her chest. He wasn't even interested in negotiating with her. She stood and left them all.

Agnetha, as well as everyone, had sensed the tension. She picked up the plates from the table and went into the kitchen finding Emma was there trying to cool off. Agnetha set the plates in the sink then turned to see her.

"Sweetheart, don't be upset. He's only saying this because he's trying to look out for you. I can talk to hi–"

"Don't. I don't need to hear it from you, too."

"I was just–" the already offended woman halted quickly, taking her words by surprise.

"Agnetha you're not my mother. You may be the mother of my siblings but you can't take my mom's place. You'll never take her place," she turned to walk away but paused and reversed with more to say. "And you don't have to suck up to me just because you and my father are together. Just leave me alone," she left the kitchen and headed outside for fresh air, leaving Agnetha to comprehend the words. She knew Emma wasn't taking it well and she understood how Emma must have felt when Björn had broke the news, but she never considered it was this overwhelming.

Though the thought remained in her mind the whole day, Agnetha kept the word to herself. She couldn't speak about it to Björn. It was expected that this would happen, but Emma's words were sharp. They followed Agnetha until she was ready to fall asleep, and even onto the following day. Each day around Emma, Agnetha began to take care and go gently. She didn't want to overstep, already worrying something would break the family.