The Fight "inside my mind"

Part 3

Leaving school can be an emotional time for every young person,

But i took it hard and it wasnt long until i found myself into a depressive episode again. I would run from home even in stormy weather, its horrible you just feel so isolated. I went through a phase were i would get flash backs of being hit.My mum got in touch with C.A.H.M.S and i saw a lady called claire, shes so lovely she did some cbt with me and now my flashbacks have fully gone.

So after the summer holidays past i started at College, i was also diagnosed A.D.H.D and still have to be medicated for it. I met some amazing people, at college ,but....This is when my anxiety kind of came in, nothing noticeable just yet. I remember i would get constant butterflies in my stomach everytime id go into college in a morning, like first day nerves kind of thing, but it wasnt my first day. So that happened for quie a while, i didnt really know what it was at the time though.

Overtime that feeling grew stronger and i also started to feel very sick and shaky along with the butterflies, the first time it happened i thought i was coming down with a bug or something, but it happened like everyday. I would start to feel really nervous around large groups of people.

My anxiety wasnt really noticeable until i had a panic attack in a college dance lesson, i know what it was now but then i didnt it was so terrifying. I was in a dance class at college doing the warm up when suddenly my heart pounded and i mean it pounded so hard i thought it was going to stop! My legs turned to pure jelly, i felt very sick, my chest felt like an elephant had sat on it, and my breathing became very fast i got tunnel vision and i well just lost control!! It was the most terrifying experience i have ever had!.I didnt know what was happening at the time, 2 of my teachers helped me through what it was at the time....But these episodes kept on happening at the most random times. It was so scary. I Went through a time when i didnt leave the house for 1month because i was so terrified of it happening out and about. I finally got the courage to go to my college councillor, she told me what i was experiencing were called "panic attacks"she tought me some breathing techniques. If anyone doesnt know what a panic attack is its basically your fight/flight response being triggerd even when there is no real danger, ill try and explain it the best i can below

Imagine your about to cross the road and suddenly a car speeds right past, your body automatically goes into what we call fight/flight mode, term used from the caveman days.Yeah its that shock you get but it lasts alot longer. I no its absolutely terrifying thats the feelings you get but without any real danger. Iv been having panic attacks for nearly 2 years and each time they feel just as scary as the first one did.