Hiding Anna [rewritten]

Chapter Eighteen: Victoria's Secret

I avoided George like the plague.

The following morning I'd woken up on edge, and proceeded to locate a baggie of weed and some papers so that I could go get stoned.

There was a spot I frequented, a few minutes walk away from my house. I'd gone there, lit up and fallen into an abyss of smoke and peace.

In retrospect, I probably went a bit too hard that morning.

Somehow managing to wander back home, George was still half asleep. Or at least I'd thought he'd been.

Thinking he was asleep, I collapsed onto the bed next to him and closed my eyes.

"Where did you go?"

I hadn't expected him to be awake, nor had I planned for him to notice that I'd left early that morning.

"Somewhere."

His eyes opened and stared softly at me, and so I closed mine. Wanting to avoid his gaze.

"You smell of weed."

"I know."

He sighed softly and scooted closer to me on the bed, but not touching me. I didn't move away, I was too inebriated, but I wanted to.

Some part of me also couldn't bring myself to make him think he was being rejected.

Eventually he left, realising that I was too stoned to do any kind of maths revision.

I stayed in bed all day.

After that weekend on the following day at school he tried to talk to me, he really did. But I ignored him, too confused and overwhelmed to think or be around him.

He continued to be like that for the rest of the week. Coming to sit down with us at lunch on one occasion, texting me every day and trying to call me.

"Cassie, please talk to me. Please can you look at me again." He'd say through a voicemail. "I know you're not okay at the moment, and I know that is probably my fault but... but you can talk to me if you need to. I'm always here. I'm always here for you."

His words were somewhat comforting but I still refused to talk to him.

I needed time. Lots of it, to think.

That kiss — that amazing kiss — could only be described as magical. It was like my other pain reliefs except instead of making everything numb like drugs, alcohol and sex it made me feel alive.

Like when I ran, but a thousand times more electric.

That feeling was more powerful than the negative memories themselves, stronger than the hurt so it completely overwhelmed them. The traumas sniffed out on the floor like a burnt out cigarette.

It made me feel strong. Like I could defy their control over me.

Then why was I denying it? I already knew the answer.

Getting that feeling meant going against one of my greatest fears and hurting myself in the future. I'd heard enough drama from Ruby to know heart break is far from easy. I didn't think I was ready, or would ever be ready, for that risk.

As well as this the feeling's effect would disappear as soon as the moment was over. I would become addicted and I didn't needed anymore drug withdrawals in my system.

Cassie, I've been thinking about you a lot. George had said his voice still ringing in my ear.

I wanted to hear him say those words but at the same time I was afraid to discover more.