Ambedo

E f f l o r e s c e n c e

Warnings: Themes relating to and/or implying death, brief mention of the use of alcohol, lower case and italics intended.

[ a yoonmin short story, part 2 ]

even when flowers wilt and die, thousands
upon thousands of others bloom.

i've never enjoyed watching the sunset.

sometimes it bothers me, how everyone
else finds a sense of resplendence within
the golden pink glow it gives off. how to
everyone else, it's a symbol of happiness and
inner peace.

because to me it's the exact opposite.

nowadays, i can only ever find comfort in the broad daylight or the darkest of nights. the beaming rays of the sun fill me up with fake happiness, and allow me to abandon the strange melancholy that i carry on my shoulders constantly, while the only thing that can harmonize with the eerie emptiness of my heart is the emptiness of the darkest nights.

i don't know when exactly it happened, my irrational fear of sunsets. i'm always trying to persuade myself that it's been with me for the entirety of my life. that it really is all due to some unexplainable reason.

at least, that's what i like to think. that's what i hope.

what taehyung tells me is different. he tells me that it wasn't until after the incident that i despised sunsets. that somewhere, floating in the corner of my brain, lies a fragment of someone i used to love. something that isn't a memory, but rather a feeling.

i can't believe nor understand what taehyung tells me. just the idea of forgetting what i loved is too much. but knowing i did lose all of my memories makes the idea frightening.

as the sun sets outside my apartment, it's hard to tell why i ever enjoyed sunsets.

• • •

the long elevator ride from my floor to the apartment lobby allows me to gather my thoughts before i meet up with taehyung. although the walls are reflective it's quite isolated, as well as quiet. nowadays, i prefer being alone, though. sometimes, people scare me.

glancing at myself through a wall, i hurriedly adjust the collar of my button-up shirt, and fix a few stray strands of hair. i can't help but notice that my eyes are as puffy as they were earlier.

soon enough, the elevator slides open, and i pull my best fake smile at the sight of a cheerful taehyung waiting for me.

"jimin! hello!" taehyung hollers with a grin on his face. "woah," he begins, his smile faltering as i get closer. "have you been crying?" he whispers, observing my swollen eyes.

"tae, don't do this now," i argue, wanting taehyung to drop it, so i can forget about the heartache that seems to stick with me everywhere I go.

so i can forget what it feels like to be missing all the puzzle pieces to the life i used to have.

a concerned look flashes across his face. "it was the sunset again, wasn't it?" The way he asks makes it sound like he already knows.

i shuffle around nervously. "yeah..."

"i can't stand seeing you like this much longer, jimin. it's awful, and hurts to witness. you always tell me that you're doing better, and i want to believe you, but i can't, because still, to this day, you're bawling your eyes out while watching the sunset. i don't know what to do anymore, jimin. the only solution may be to call min yoon-"