Tw: suicide, cursing
Pairings: Boyf Riends (sorta)
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"Rich, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Huh?"
"You're like... talking to yourself? It's like you're having a very animated conversation with yourself."
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. I shouldn't tell you... but I have this thing called a SQUIP."
"If you shouldn't be telling me, then why are you?"
"My SQUIP is telling me to tell you."
"Ok, and? I don't even know what the hell a SQUIP is in the first place."
"Do you remember me in freshman year?"
"What? You... you didn't go here freshman year."
"Yes I did! It's just... no one noticed." Rich circles his hand around his face like that one meme that's like "______. ______ everywhere."
"Freshman year, I didn't have a girlfriend or any idea what I was doing. I was a loser just like you."
"Well that's a bit harsh, but oka-"
"Good times only soared by. I was absolutely gross! Any female could attest to that." I cock my head and raise my eyebrow.
"My sexting was a futile quest and my little penis was so depressed."
"That's a weird way to say you weren't getting any pussy, but oka-"
"He was so lonely, poor guy." I sigh and check my watch, when Rich raises his voice to get my attention.
"I WAS! Helpless. I was completely hopeless. Every time I walked the hallway, people tripped me. I was stagnant. I was actually suicidal. And then..."
"And then?"
"And then..."
"And... then?"
"And then..."
"And then?"
"And then..."
"Okay can we stop doing this?"
"Okay. And then I got a SQUIP."
"Seriously, the fuck is a SQUIP?" He shushes me.
"It's from Japan."
"Lit. I don't care." He continues anyways.
"It's a grey oblong pill. Quantum nanotechnology CPU. The supercomputer that the pill contains will travel through your blood, then it implants in your brain and tells you what to do."
"So... it's like... drugs?"
"It's better than drugs, Jeremy. It's from Japan."
"No, I heard you, it just sounds like drugs."
"Picture this: no one cares how late you are to class cause even teachers think you're awesome! Your weekends are a full-out slate of parties and teenage splendour!"
"I don't care about parties but okay..."
"Right now, you're like me in freshman. But take my advice and pay, you'll go from sad to interesting to hip! Your whole life will flip. Just buy a SQUIP."
"I'll think about it."
I won't.
/ fast forward a couple months /
Michael stands in front of me, blushing. It's adorable.
"So uh... I've been thinking about something for a while. And I think it's time I told you."
