SHE NEEDS HELP | B.E

𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚 | over

trigger warning! self harm and violence

BILLIE POV

"Why do you do this to me?"

I slowly turned back to her and gave her a warm smile. "Because I love you".

"No you don't Billie. You don't love me." Confusion took over me. I don't understand why she doesn't think I love her. I continue to walk out of the room to grab some alcohol and tissues.

Something about her cuts made my heart ache. To know that she was and still could be suffering hits me somewhere I didn't even know existed.

Because I'm going through it. It made me feel vulnerable.

flashback

Crimson liquid dripped from my arm to the marble floor. I examined the new cuts that scattered up my arm.

Melissa has been distant with me and it hurt so much. Too much. Violence flooded my brain. I couldn't breathe.

I didn't even have strength to clean up the pool of blood I'm sitting in. Tears stained my face. I raised my hand and slammed it against my thigh, leaving a bright red mark over my old scars. I repeated the action again, sending another painful palm onto my thigh.

"Fuck!" I yelled out, bashing my head against the wall multiple times.

I need my love back.

I was seeing stars everywhere. My head, pounding. I forgot that I needed to give Olivia food and clothes.

To be honest, I really thought I would no longer feel any anger for a while after what I did to her. However, I was mistaken.

I needed more pain.

end of flashback

I shook my head trying to get rid of the thoughts, the voices, my own demons. They never seemed to go away.

Walking back into the room I see Melissa on the bed fiddling with her fingers. As I approach her she flinches back.

Why is she so afraid of me? I love her to bits.

I pour a bit of alcohol onto the tissue and gently dab it on the fresh cut. I could tell that it stung because of the way she hissed in pain.

I lovingly caress her red cheek and resume taking care of the cut.

"I've been there" I confess, breaking the tension.

"What?"

"I've been there" Repeating myself. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

"I feel like I'm out of my own body sometimes, but in it at other times. I don't know. People are always saying something is wrong with me, but don't get me the right help and it so frustrating."

She looked into my soul, fully concentrated and taking in every word I'm saying.

"Like, I want to know what's wrong with me too! I'm always told that I'm sick, that I'm some kind of monster. But I don't understand!"