Cookiecut 🍪🖤

1

I hate it . I hate me . My life . Why does this always happen . Every time I get even a glimpse of happiness it's taken away .

Red roses falling on his coffin

I remember our last moment together
But for some reason I'm not thinking about that I'm thinking about the first time he told me he loved me or when he taught me how to shoot a 23 and 22 or the time he was there for me and would never leave my side when my dog zero died

thinking about all of these moments and staring down at his casket stung like hell .

I just can't believe he's gone another boyfriend gone .

dear god why can't anyone stay the hell away from me why did I ever have to fall in love again I always end up hurt it's not fair and now he's dead .

I don't know what I'm gonna do . I can't do this anymore not without him . He was my everything is my everything . I don't think I can move on from this one . I want him back so bad I'll do anything to have him back .   

I wish this was just a nightmare and that I would wake up in any second right before I'm falling to my death ... but it's not.

"Friends and family ... we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a friend , son
, boyfriend ......"

boyfriend mhm I smile at that one .

"Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings over ones loss, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them . we are also here today to seek and to receive comfort. We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation. We are not too proud to acknowledge that we have come here today trusting that God would minister to our hearts, and give us strength as we continue in our walk with Him.
It is our human nature to want to understand everything now, but TRUST requires that we lean and rely heavily on God even when things seem unclear. I heard a verse uh
Proverbs 3:5 I do believe and it says in that verse trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Later this day, when all the words have been spoken, when all the songs have been sung, we will stand at the graveside and commit the body of our friend it will not be the end of his story, because the memory of his life and the influence of his life remains."

The pastor says .

I am definitely balling right now my mom has her arm wrapped around my shoulders I hear his mom say a little amen but barely makes it out my mom grips her hand and pats her knee and she looks over and gives a weak smile.

The pastor is finished and everyone is done with their speeches .

We walk over to his casket where everyone dropped roses on his casket

I look at it once more before it's put into the ground . My hand covering my mouth to not let the sobs escape

I'm very thankful I didn't wear makeup today . It would've been a mess

I already miss him so much
God I miss Marco

Anywaysssss so that was the 1st chapter .
It was kinda bad . It was basically just like a fill in on what's happening in her life rn and before she meets coolie . Hopefully next one will be better . Thanks for reading my bad crackers 🥵😘