Changing The Ending

Not quite the start but certainly a realisation

Well shit. I've really fucked up.

These are just a few of the thoughts running through my head as I lay there trying to force myself out of bed and to my lectures. The monotonous sound of my alarm blaring in my ear fading into the background due to the deafening sounds of my own thoughts bouncing from my conflicting opinions. I'm in the wrong and a horrible person. I am blowing it out of proportion and being an attention seeker. Ugh! I hated those words so much, not that id ever been called them nobody could really notice I was one. I like to dub my self a 'closet attention seeker'. Sounds stupid and certainly not something id say out loud as that might just give the game away.

'Bang!'

Well now my thoughts have utterly gotten side tracked, at least my flatmates are able to remind me to turn the stupid bloody alarm off and get flippin dressed, I had important lectures to get to.

Groaning as I got out of bed I shuffled my way to the bathroom for a splash of cold water some hygiene and a good old spot pop, classic morning ritual. I always hated the mornings, not because I hated the early morning sun with the fresh smell of a new day on the breeze, I Loved them parts. I just really struggled to wake up and get myself out of my bed and then getting dressed was such an effort I hardly ever actually made it to my lectures I would just crawl back into bed and catch up later. However, right now I need distracting from my thoughts.

Walking to class was probably one of the best times of the day for me, I loved seeing the green parks sprouting in the middle of a city, just because the university said so, I found it idyllic and ostentatious but as usual it wouldn't last long.

"Morning Ailis, actually got out of bed did we" I met my first year flatmate outside the coffee shop on the route to university.

"What to you mean i am always at every lecture" I jested back with mock horror. Maggie was one of my closest friends, barring some from high school, she was lovely but could be quite hard to deal with on a daily basis which is why I am glad she was only a first year flat mate and not a second year one. We keep each other company on our way to our lecture rooms, doing similar degrees mean that we are typically in the same building so we could walk the majority of the way there together.

"Hows the boyfriend?"

"He is good, not really talked yet today"

"I seriously don't know how you guys do the whole long distance thing, I totally couldn't..."

"Yeah its not for everyone just gotta be chill about it I guess."

Maggie carry's on with her disbelief about how calm I can be about not seeing my boyfriend. Its a common conversation topic so I am able to drift off into my own thoughts about it. If I am completely honest I find long distance not really that hard of course I miss my boyfriend, my amazing loving boyfriend. But its not so hard after 2 and a half years you get used to the dull throbbing of wishing they were there to experience everything with you and as long as you communicate well it shouldn't be so hard. I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite about the communication aspect typical.

"Ailis! are you even listening to me?"

"Yes of course I am, anyway I need to go a different way to you now have a good lecture make lots of important notes" with a quick hug and a cheeky smile we part ways.

Truly I like seeing peoples reactions to me being unexpected, It makes me feel good when the exclaim 'no way', or 'its so impressive how amazing you guys are at this' its a little boost to my day even if its from the same person each time.