the reasons why i am like this now

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by Rahma_smol_tomato

by Rahma_smol_tomato

This whole chapter is a vent, and a bit way too personal, don't like it, then do not read

'Father'
Why do I hold a grudge to him and his actions , why am I always self conscious, and Dramatic , why I tend to seek physical non romantic affection at all times, easy because I don't get much

As he always sets on the internet or at 'work' , he doesn't pay much attention and doesn't do much , he basically ignores us ,yells at us to not cause sounds, and to get off the connection even though It isn't his WiFi, and how he buys new things all the time for himself , only to be put away and get dusty , when he has many things

I admit my life ain't the worse , but i still have no patience

As I learned, Child abuse is a crime in the more modern countries.. Man if it was like that here ,the whole parents would be In jail XD , but for real

He would be in jail if it was here

Have you ever been not by Weapon? A real one? I mean, yeah most of us get slapped once or twice here or there , hit by belt, but a weapon? And for what reason? An Ink spot on my leg? For real?

Yes , For real

,as I said before I wasn't always obedient , that is why I usually not punished, by a nice slap , some hits with the slipper
(Mother's best weapon In Egypt) , and a melting candle..? As I think of it not that painful , because mom always apologized after it , perhaps by 15 minutes? But I was always wrong so I do not blame her at all

But Him? To think I said I loved him more than mother... It disgust me,., I bet young me If knew what will happen in future she would be very upset ...because He didn't care what I did , or did not , mom was always there pushing me to be better at studies without me knowing it , but that is why she could be strict, and him.., well... He didn't give a fuck,i just get high grades or i am gonna get fucked ..,, That was another story,..after all He wasn't there much with us before , but now..., damn it...he is always at home now..

After that accident that happened when he had hit me with and actual Nunchaku , because of that Ink spot he had found on my foot and I didn't know where it came from , I despised him, not only that , he accused me of lying and wanted to burn my tongue!.. That was when my mom stepped in though I was still mad ,why didn't she step in earlier!!and since then I grew hateful to Him,., and how acted, I knew HE would never change...

Mother is always busy, cooking , cleaning, ironing clothes, washing dishes, and because I am no longer strong enough to help , and I became lazy at moving around thanks to being stuck at home , she doesn't have much time for me just hugging her, as she also gets very tired after all of that and I do not want to bother her,

And my brother... Well we stopped playing together... I stopped playing with him,as I grew bored and more .... Annoyed , but I still do things for him

The thing is , he can get, Bratty , Bossy, and aggressive as well

And till now, I seek affection through fanfics...and roleplays..because.. I cannot get one anytime soon now , and I am very shy when it comes to romantic things....well unless if I am

(Ahem..) Reading lemons
(Which I really try to stop )

And that is just it