Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes Drabbles

"Selfish"

For James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes

For my own selfish reasons, I like to believe you are truly happy without me.
And yes, I know some may consider this a good thing. To hope for the best. Remain positive in the face of heartbreak.
But not when it's like this. Not when the truth is so blatantly obvious. Not when i do it just to keep from having to accept the bitter reality of the situation. Not when i can see how much you are hurting.

I can see how we got to this point.  I can see the hurtful words being thrown at you in every direction. The way you have come to accept their words as truth. You've let their fear of you seep into your mind, knitting it's way through your brain with a red thread. You've become afraid of hurting the only person who doesn't see you as the monster the world believes you are. 

See, the problem is that you deserve the world, right there in your shaking hands. You deserve all the pleasures that life has withheld from you for too long.
Every smile, every sunrise, every note of a birds song, every cool breeze on a hot summers day, deserves to be yours.

It's these reasons and these alone that i can only imagine you in complete joy. To imagine the stark harshness of your reality is to imagine a world where no one smiles, the sun never rises, the birds no longer sing and summer never comes again.

I refuse to acknowledge how truly broken you have become, because i believe my heart will not be able to stand it.

I have loved you far too fondly.

*note: so first off if you're like me and you love it when people add song suggestions to their fics then here is mine "so far" by Ólafur Arnalds.

second, when i wrote this i was thinking it was something alone the lines of "what if you had the chance to love bucky but he's refused to let himself get too close to you so your completely heartbroken". Honestly, it's just ramblings at this point. I just want to protect my bby.