Heart's Tempo (Wattys2014) [EDITING]

Chapter 21

“I got flowers this time…” Nisa said as she approached Raina’s grave. “I know it’s been too long since I went here and visited; I never even returned when Fourth became my boyfriend back then. Do you know where he is? I need to know where he is. This I such a big country to look for someone who doesn’t want to be found. I’m getting desperate now…I’ve said some things that I shouldn’t have; it hurt him. I didn’t know the truth back then. But now I do. Please help me find him…please let him know that I’m looking for him…please…”

Nisa took one last look at the flowers then at Raina’s name engraved on the tomb stone and turned to walk away. She felt so exhausted that day and she only wanted to go home and rest. Nisa had moved back to Yuri’s house months ago, after she resigned. She’s been looking for Fourth everywhere, especially in music schools, but she had no luck. It seemed like Fourth disappeared and never wanted to be found at all.

She arrived late that night, where Yuri had been waiting for her in the living room.

“Hi…” Nisa said and forced herself to smile.

“Hey…where have you been? I thought you’d be home by seven.”

“I decided to go and visit a friend.”

“Really?” That definitely got Yuri’s attention. For months, Nisa literally avoided people, even now. Yuri thought she was undergoing a state of depression, but hearing Nisa say that definitely changes things. “Where did you go?”

“The cemetery…”

Yuri almost dropped the remote control. She didn’t know if Nisa was joking or seriously depressed and needed help already.

“I’m calling the doctor to have you admitted to the hospital if you don’t answer properly.”

“Yuri, the friend I’m talking about is already dead. That’s why I said cemetery.”

“That’s not an appropriate place to get your mood up, don’t you think? Nisa, it’s been several months already. I think it’s time to get help from professionals to find him.”

“Well, what if he’s not here anymore? What if he’s in Prague already?”

“Then go look for him there. I won’t stop you. But make sure first that he’s here…Nisa look at you. You’ve lost a lot of weight…during the past week I’m seriously considering calling a psychiatrist for help.”

“I’m not depressed…”

“Even so…Nisa, Henry called again.”

“I told you not to entertain his calls.” There was a sudden change of mood. It happens every time Nisa hears the name Henry.

“I know, but he is so hell bent on seeing you again.”

“What part of ‘it’s over between us’ did he not understand?”

“I think it’s about something else.”

“Whatever it is, I’m not interested. I’m going upstairs now, goodnight Yuri.”

Tomorrow, she’ll have to call the phone company to have their home phone number changed.

Could she really be depressed? She didn’t think so, she’s just desperate and so much guilty of what she said to Fourth back then. Oh, no. Wait. Guilty? If there’s someone that’s supposed to be guilty here, it has to be Henry.

Someone suggested that she get a pet, they said it will definitely help. What kind of pet? She never was a real pet person to begin with. Although they did have a dog twice, but that belonged to her mom. Why not a dog? Get a puppy, now? At her vulnerable stage, just like Yuri said? The first month she broke up with Henry she practically used up her credit cards to purchase things that she thought were cute, most of it expensive but not very useful; and they are all dumped inside her cabinet, still in their unopened packaging. Nisa laughed for a bit. She can probably send all her bills to Henry. The guy can pay for all her purchases after what he did to her. Yeah, she’s being bitter again. She couldn’t let go – she can choose to, but not yet. For some reason, she didn’t want to let go of the pain yet. No, she wasn’t ready to forgive, not in the next decade.