four • trigger warning

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Ryan's phone rang loudly, startling him from a dreamless sleep. "What do you want, Newgarden?" He croaked into the phone, confused as to why his Penske teammate would be calling him so early on a rare day off.

"I'm sorry to bother you but I've got a stomach bug and I'm supposed to do that kids' event at the shop today..." His voice trailed off.

Ryan's eyes drifted to his sleeping girlfriend. He knew that she hated when he did fan events, she had made it perfectly clear that she found them unnecessary. You're too big of a star to have to bother with these. She'd snap anytime the opportunity arose. You don't see Chase doing these, do you?

But Stacy was sleeping, unable to tell him no. "Yeah man, I'd love to fill in." He agreed.

"I owe you." Josef sighed a breath of relief. "Have fun."

"I will." Ryan dimmed his phone screen, tossing back the covers. His bare feet hit the carpet as he slipped into the bathroom.

Ryan paused at the reflection staring back at him. He hardly recognized himself anymore. Stacy had convinced him that he was too old for the long hair and facial hair. He had begrudgingly complied in an effort to avoid being the constant target of Stacy's endless criticism. She had decided that she knew what was best for his career and either he went along with it or she made his life hell.

There was no way out, Ryan had already tried. Once, he had tried to confide in his sister about how miserable he was, how Stacy had managed to dominate his life to the point that he didn't even recognize it, that he felt like a puppet -- Stacy's puppet. He had been dismissed, reassured that Stacy was only acting in Ryan's best interest. His sister had reminded him that Stacy was the perfect woman for him, that she would never forgive Ryan if he broke up with Stacy over something as petty as a hairstyle choice.

So Ryan stayed. Because at the end of the day, he'd rather keep his sister around and endure Stacy than lose his sister. Besides, it wasn't all bad, his life just lacked the passion that he once possessed.

"Ryan?" Stacy appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. "What's going on?"

Ryan winced at the battle that was about to ensue, "Josef Newgarden called, he's sick and needs somebody to fill in at the fan event that was scheduled."

"You're not going, are you?" Her arms crossed.

Ryan nodded slowly, "I'm going to help a buddy out."

"But the film crew is going to be here today." Her bottom lip protruded.

Ryan shrugged. He hated that Stacy had managed to find a way onto Racing Wives. Ryan found it incredibly invasive but what Stacy wants is what she gets. "You know how I feel about that." He snapped. "Besides, it's an event for kids and I love meeting the kids. They're the future of our sport."

Stacy stepped forward, her hand on Ryan's chest, "We should have a baby."

Ryan's eyes widened and he found himself shaking his head. As much as he wanted to be a father, he would rather miss out on the experience than force a child into an unhappy situation. Ryan didn't have a lot of control over his and Stacy's relationship but he had control over if or when he proposed and if they had kids. "Now really isn't the right time."

"Will it ever be the right time?" She shook her head, "I'm not getting any younger, Ryan."

tw- verbal abuse

He shrugged, brushing past her, "I'm not having this conversation."

"You're worthless." Stacy hurled at him. "Nobody would ever love you if I left. I'm your only chance at a family, Ryan and I know how badly you want one."

Ryan continued toward his closet, ignoring her. He was used to the verbal assault which happened any time that he dared contradict her. As he pulled a pair of jeans on, his mind drifted to Lydia. She was his refuge, his fantasy. It had been over five years, closer to six but his mind always drifted to her when Stacy went on these rampages. Lydia had turned into his only comfort. He wondered where she was doing. Maybe she had married by now and had her own family. Ryan hoped that wherever she was, she was happier than he was.

"You're not listening to me." Stacy bellowed, pushing Ryan into the closet door. "I don't know why I bother with you." Tears filled her eyes, "I try so hard to be the perfect girlfriend and this is how you repay me."

Ryan murmured an apology, pressed a chaste kiss on his forehead. He hated that this had become his life, that he had become so numb to the verbal abuse that he had endured daily. Ryan was numb, unrecognizable and yet he was the envy of the garage. He wanted to reach out for help but he had no idea who he could turn to.

end tw

Stacy sobbed behind him as Ryan hurried through the house. "Talk to me," She begged.

"I have to go." Ryan grabbed his keys, a sick feeling rising in his stomach. He knew that there would be hell to pay when he got home but he didn't even care anymore.

Truth be told, he didn't really care about much anymore. He barely spoke to Chase or Bubba anymore because Stacy had isolated him, telling him that they were too childish for him. He had complied with her demand, one of many that she had made over the years. Part of him wanted to call Chase, to explain what was happening but Ryan knew that Chase would probably have a stiff upper lip, overcome by the bitterness that he had in his eyes every time Ryan came anywhere near him. It was his own fault, Ryan knew this. He should have nipped things in the bud with Stacy but he hadn't and now he was paying dearly.

Ryan sighed, shifting his mind. He was excited to get to interact with the young fans, the only bright spot of the whole day.  He focused on that instead of his toxic relationship. Ryan knew he needed to end it but he was afraid of the reality television spectacle that it would turn into.

Ryan drummed his fingers on his steering wheel, desperately hoping that a solution would become clear to him.
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Summary: Josef Newgarden calls and asks Ryan to cover a fan event for him. Ryan accepts and has to face Stacy's wrath because Stacy has forced Ryan to stop doing those events. She is upset that he is skipping out on filming for the reality show Racing Wives. Ryan feels miserable and is trapped in their relationship. Stacy has isolated him from his best friends and forced him to keep his hair short, and his face clean-shaven. The chapter closes out with Ryan hoping he'll figure out a solution.

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