Dearest Lottie

Day #203

I watched Aaron from the corner of my eye. He was humming ten notes in order over and over. It was somewhere in my memories, the lyrics echoing wishes of sunshine and happiness. He rocked along to the beat, his shirt wrinkling against the wall every time he went back.

Skunk finally edged up to him, and licked his bare foot. Aaron had clearly not been paying attention, so he screamed. In a flash, he had gotten up and hidden behind me. The bed we were now both on creaked in complaint and he kept screaming in my ear. I turned to look at him, irritation flicking across my face. His face was wrinkled in fear.

"Get it- get that th-thing away from me!"

"Aaron," I said, slowly and softly. "Let me hug you. It will help, I promise."

His mouth opened, forming soundless words. I could only imagine that they were stuttering nervous words, not charming words. He kept trying to speak, breathing heavily through his nose. Then, he hugged me. It wasn't a normal hug, but I didn't think he'd had much experience hugging before. My arms were pinned to my side, so I couldn't return the hug. He was also squeezing me with an iron grip. Aaron's shallow breaths hissed in my ear until he pulled away. I could visibly see the emotions wreaking havoc on his face.

"Breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, then exhale for eight counts," I whispered. "It will help."

It took seventeen of these breathing rounds before he found his voice. "I don't like Skunk."

"Why not?"

"It's little. It has sharp teeth that could injure me. It sneaks up on me when I am trying to think, and it's more like a rat than a dog."

"Skunk's half shitzu, half yorkie. None of that means rat."

"I still don't like it."

"Skunk is not an it."

"Then what's Skunk's gender?"

"You pick your favorite one. Some days I decide he's a boy, and sometimes she's a girl. Sometimes Skunk is simply Skunk. She's suited to whatever your needs are."

His face bent for a moment. "Today Skunk is a she?"

"Yes."

Aaron nodded, then nodded again. It was like he was comfirming himself to himself.

"Get off the bed."

I blinked, then moved off the bed. 

He bowed his head and began to hum again. Just like that, I supposed, he didn't care about me. Aaron was back in his head, and there was nothing to interrupt him there.

----

I was almost asleep. Aaron hadn't moved off of my bed, so I was forced to sleep on the floor with the blanket's off of mine to keep me warm. I was to the point of sleep where noise was mostly blotted out and thoughts started to get a little fuzzy. 

The lights shut off, so I assumed Aaron had fell asleep.

Arms wrapped around me, and I opened my eyes. Aaron was hugging me tightly, tears streaming down his face. I hugged him back, my arms gentle but tight.

I expected him to release it, but he didn't.

So, that was the night that I fell asleep with his arms digging into my ribcage, and listening to the perfectly counted breaths. Four seconds in, seven seconds pausing, and eight seconds releasing.