Secret Celebrity

chapter seven

The other day Jennifer and Christine stopped by the Centerfold. I never would have figured them to be hanging out together. But there they were. Sounds like they've been hanging a lot. I noticed Jennifer has started talking like Christine. Using words like "hideous". One of Christine's favorites. And "obviously". Things are always very obvious to Christine and half of what she reads in magazines she calls hideous. I also noticed, well, Jennifer made a point of showing me, that Christine's now wearing a toe ring that is exactly like the one she always wears. It's the symbiotic thing that girls get into. I don't know what it means but I'm not complaining.

The other funny thing is Jennifer's turned into "career girl". Talks about it all the time. Called herself a consultant until she decided that didn't sound sexy so now she's settled on associate producer. Though she hasn't brought it up around Christine yet. Like Christine cares. Like she doesn't have other things stressing her out. She was in here the other day in the worst mood. When I called her on it, she said, "Oh sorry, am I being a bitch?" I said, "No, you've got the chip to be a bitch but you're not." That made her laugh. Then she got into a whole thing about how everything in her life is in such flux she was thinking of renaming her production company Flux. But then she walked into Skylight Books and noticed the cashier had "flux" tattooed on his arm and she figured that if it's on his arm it's probably already been appropriated by the pop culture. She got on this whole thing about how it's probably already the name of a new L.A. band. Or one of those new clothing stores in Los Feliz. Or maybe another hideous new magazine soon to hit your local newsstands. "Relax," I told her. I was going to say you need to fvck more. But for all I know maybe she's fvcking all the time. But if she is, the guy's not making her happy.

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I was thinking of writing a song about Christine. You know, an L.A.-woman-in-flux kind of song. But Jennifer's still got the muse position. I was thinking about her and her famous boyfriend, whoever he is, and I was thinking—I hope she's actually fvcking him because nothing worse than a failed Hollywood star fvcker. And as soon as I thought that, I got the idea for a song about all the sad, desperate L.A. girls who are failed star fvckers. See what I mean about Jennifer being my inspiration? She inspires even when she's not the girl in the song.