The One I Want

Paradise. That one word can change your whole life. What do you think of? Most people I know would think of a tropical place or a beach. Well in my head I think of being with the person that I love. It doesn’t matter the place but whenever I am with him, he makes all of my problems go away. And it seems like I have been in paradise a lot lately. Everything seems to go wrong. I get in trouble (rather not say it. I have had to explain it too many times.) Let’s just say that it involved the guy that I loved. It ended with my parents not loving him at all.

My parents have done a lot these past few months. They have tried to do anything for me to leave HIM. They told me that if he steps on their property in any way to see me, they will have him arrested. I think that is a little drastic. They told me that I cannot drive my car to his place that is literally 10 minutes away. He has to come and pick me up across the street.

But anyways I am getting off track. Paradise. That is what I was talking about. Being with the man that I love is my paradise. He is the reason that I smile and laugh when he only texts me. When I am with him, I am safe. But only for a little bit. My parents always try to mess things up even if they do not know it. Even he can’t save me from them. He can only do so much.

I guess I should introduce myself and my love. His name is Shane. My name, well I am Kira Jade. But some people call me Jade. I don’t like it when people call me by my first name full name. There is one exception though. I only allow Shane to call me by my full name. I don’t know why but I do.

Shane and I have been together for a little over 6 months. We dated before a year ago and then after some time we broke up and then we got back together. But even these 6 months have been great. Shane has been by my side with everything that happened since the beginning. But I am afraid that since I didn’t have anyone that I am super dependent on him. Usually I am a person that is strong and can stand on her own. I was the girl that can put on a smile and fool most people. The one person I can’t fool, Shane. It is like he could see right through me. But when I was losing my family all of my strength went away. They took the last of it. So I had him to rely on, he picked up all of my loose pieces.

But I am afraid of losing him. He is the one that I want. I don’t want him to go away. But I am scared. Every time my parents do something I go to him. There was a point in my life when I would never cry in front of him. I put my smile on and go about my life. But now it is like every time I see him, I cry. I don’t know what happened. A lot of stuff went on with my parents because I went to go and see him while he was at college. The problem was that I left around 9:00 at night. Now it wouldn’t be a problem if we went to the same college but we are 57 miles away. And the town that he lives in isn’t really the safest late at night. I get that my parents are worried about me, but I made my decision that I was going to see him. I told them that I don’t live under their roof anymore so they cannot tell to not go. I told Shane that I was going, so I was. They got mad saying that the way I was talking to them was “nice” for a family that cares about me. I understand that they were worried. I really do. But I knew that I was going to be safe. I told them that I would text them when I got there. Which is what I did. I even told them with everything that I was doing. But I didn’t get a reply.

So I thought that they needed some of their own space without me texting. Only because they were not answering anything that I sent them. So I was sitting in my bed today when I get a call from my lovely father. He asked what the problem was between my mom and me. I said nothing it’s just I thought that they were mad at me so I didn’t text them in the morning like I usually would, I didn’t think she would answer. He started to tell me that me coming home for holidays and birthdays were probably not a good idea. Because I was starting to act like my uncle that passed away because his attitude was ditch the family and come back and have people afraid to talk to him in fear that they would get him mad. Well I am not him. They don’t want to “Pussy-foot” around me. That it would be better if I didn’t come. That really hurts from a father. Or from anyone in your family.

I had a contract with my family. That they would pay for school as long as I did a few things for them. I had to not lie to them, I had to respect them, and I had to send them all of my grades on quizzes, tests, and homework. But I broke one of the rules. I lied to them. I had to get a parking pass for school. I was saving up because my parents even told me that they were short on money. I casually told Shane, and when I was with him one time his mother gave me the money for it. When I paid for it, it didn’t come out of my account. So I was worried that it came out of one of my parents account. When I told them I got the pass, they asked how. I told them that I was saving up for it by taking some money out of my paycheck to pay it off. They said that it didn’t add up. Soon they figured out that Shane’s family paid for it. So I lied to them. I know what you are thinking. That it was a dumb lie to tell. Maybe it was. But it seemed right at the time. They said they were done paying for school.

I didn’t think they were honest. I still haven’t talked to them about it to see if they are serious because I am afraid of the answer. But when my dad called me today he told me that I didn’t need to send my grades to them any longer. So I am afraid that means they are done with paying. I don’t want to ask because what if it is true. What will I do? I don’t want to go to Shane because then he will say that we will get through this. That means he will go to his parents and I don’t want them to pay for my schooling. I don’t want them to waste their money on me.

I have not told Shane anything about the conversation with my dad today. For a couple of reasons. Reason 1 because I don’t want him to worry about me. He does that enough. Reason 2 he has been acting weird lately over text. Now I know that over texting you cannot tell emotions, but I love him and I can tell the way he feels over text. He has a certain way that he talks. For example he usually calls me “baby.” Not once today did I get a “baby.” I told him I loved him and his usual response is “I love you too BABY.” I know that it is a simple word. But to me that word means a lot to me.

Shane is my family. Always will be. He makes me feel safe, he makes me smile, laugh, cry. He can do it all. I may not know about my future with my parents. But I know one thing that is for sure:

HE IS MY FUTURE. HE IS THE ONE I WANT!

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