A schizophrenic mind is a curse and a gift. The medications the doctors give me make living in this world possible. I don't like living in this world. I prefer the world in my head.Without the meds my brain is dependent upon, I can't cope. If I miss only one dose; I am able to enter the world of me. A dream I suppose. Except the dream is real.
I havent left the house in days, I havent touched my medication for 3 days. Only today did I force them down, things got bad. In my world. The numbers, my friends comforted me, we had a great time, the sand beneath my feet, I felt alive, I felt the branches from the trees growing, I heard the winds whispers travel through the trees. But everything changed, I shivered. The darkness was surrounding me. It became cold,dark fingers interlaced around my own. Pouring rain dripped down my forehead. As the sun rapidly disappeared into the dim gloomy sky, I watched the world turn monochromatic. The rain's touch lifted my spirits. But the darkness only encouraged the voices in my mind.They encouraged my now small, frail body to curl up tighter, underneath the stars. They caused the tears to start to freely flow from my eyes, joining their pouring liquid counterpart from the sky. They caused me to feel helpless and lost in my own soul. The cat in the trees mocked me, he always followed me, he was always there, hurting me. I ran through the forest trying to find my way home, the cat, Friday wasnt only in the trees, he was the trees, the outstretched branches clawed at my body, I watched the blood trickle down the palm of my hand. I always carried my meds, just incase Friday came. The darkness was spreading, but it all faded after I swallowed the pills. I awoke on the kitchen floor the sun streaming in through the blinds. I didnt know how long I was lying there, thats how it usually happens. I dont like the pills, they kill my friends, the numbers. Sometimes I hear their shrill cries in the back of my mind, but I know I have to take them, otherwise Friday will come for me.
Its been a year since I have seen my friends. Occasionally I think about them, it makes me cry. But now I have real friends, people. Sometimes I have nightmares about Friday. But I know its only in my mind. Friday cant hurt me anymore. My life seems perfect but I cant stop and wonder am I dreaming once again?
