4:32 pm - Currently I've just gotten out of the shower and I'm laying on my bed with slopping wet hair. Laziness has driven me not to get up and blow dry it. I'm supposed to be getting ready to see a friend but I cannot help but feel so at peace. My window is open, it's sunny outside. There's a cool breeze circulating and it feels soft on my skin. Passing in and out of my cotton clothing. It's a reality check for me. I can smell the fresh air after being in a steamy shower. I notice how the top of my head is cool and the back of my head is warm from leaning on my pillow. It's bright outside. Such a natural and beautiful light gleams on my blue walls.
As I get ready I worry about all the little things. Things that nobody else notices but I can't seem to take my eyes off of them. The way my top lip is smaller then my bottom one or the way my baby hairs stick up and the sunlight reflects off of them making them more noticeable. So so many things to care about. HOW EXHAUSTING. But feeling as though you're about to pass out after running around making sure everything is as perfect as can be is worth it because. "Beauty is pain"
4:01 am - twelve hours later and everything is so different then it was. My eyes are heavy, they have a slight sting to them from not sleeping. My knees are numb from laying in the same position for the last hour. My stomach upset out of hunger and my head hurts from dehydration. But getting up now would ruin the comfortable feeling of sleep deprivation wouldn't it? I'm sure you know the feeling. My significant other has fallen asleep on the phone with me. Breathing in and out. Occasionally there's a groan here and there. What it would feel like to have my head at peace against my fluffy white pillows and my bare legs against my soft sheets.
Late hours of the night is no time for sleeping it's time for over thinking and believing all the possibilities that aren't possibilities. Right? Oh... a normal person sleeps eight hours a day? They don't stay up and question every little thing they've done the past 18 hours? They don't worry about how when they were asked about their day the stuttered and just couldn't get the words out and well "might have looked stupid"? Well then. Someone tell me what it's like cause I can't seem to remember a time where falling asleep was so easy. So. Peaceful.
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- I guess this is kind of how my day played out. Because this is my first part I tried to keep it short but let me know if I should make them longer. Most of what I'll be writing is what I call reality checks. Just me going in depth about the situation at hand. Trying to give you guys visuals and maybe bring you somewhere that's not where you are. Let me know what you think of this and if you have any advice. Send it my way of course. If you ever need anything. Message me :) I'm happy to sit and talk. You're valued. You're cared for. I love you :)
