Floral and Fading;

7;

RAPH

"I lost her then I lost the world. I lost my voice, I lost my heart - I lost myself."

I struggled to finish my 15th lap in the oval when a Rihanna song ended and life contemplation started. I intend to keep Wendy as close to me as possible. I don't ever want her walk away with another asshole once again.

I quickly turned around when I felt somebody tearing my earphones away.

"Gretta," I acknowledged her presence in a serious tone.

"Why so serious, babe?" she smiled so playfully. Goddamnit! I missed that smile – the smile that I exchanged for someone else's.

"I'm not your babe, Gretta," I silently wished I'm hers but that's impossible.

"Oh come on! You're friends with my best friend, Wendy, so I see no reason why we two shouldn't be nice enough to each other and be friends," she said after contemplation of 2 seconds tops.

I put my earphones back and nodded as I walked toward the locker room. Gretta chased me and said, "Are you still not over it?"

I faced her and flicked her forehead. "Fuck off Ratty," I dismissed her. I avoided the question. I avoided my destruction.

WENDY

I cleaned up after my own mess from last night's Korean bash. Raph went for a run, and Peterpan is here to annoy me. Again.

"That's right, Wends, clean after your own mess. After all, you never let us taste our orders," he said while his eyes kept following my every move.

"You never go away Peter, don't you?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Why don't you go away, this isn't your turf," he said a-matter-of-factly.

"Don't worry, I'll go the fuck away later and check upon Kisses and wonder if Gretta's feeding her."

"Good to know, but you have to come back here."

"Why should I? I know you don't want me here."

"Did I ever say that?" he stood up and hugged me from the back. "Come back Wends, you have to come back. Raph will miss you," he chuckled.

"Take your arms away Peter." I rolled my eyes at him.

He's implying that he doesn't want my company, but takes it all back a minute later. A sweet guy he is. Lucky his wife will be.

Memories of happy relationships crossed my mind as I continued cleaning. Happy relationships that I've been, went downhill – like heartbreak all waiting to happen. I met guys from different calibers, from different limelights, and still mope over the fact that I haven't met the one for me, yet. My book of adventure, even now, is ongoing. I heard the door open, then close, and I felt Raph hug me from behind. Seriously, what's up with these boys? I heard him sob, and that's when I realized that something serious just happened - something serious enough for a guy to go on crying.

"Tell me what happened," I demanded.

"No." He answered firmly.

"Then think of a word that describes what you feel right now," I urged him to talk.

He was still sobbing on my back and said, "I feel so fucking bad, Wends."

"That's not a fucking word but hush now big boy, you have to fix things you've fucked over."

"I know. You have to help me, Wends," his hug loosened and I felt lighter. He wiped his tears away and walked toward his bedroom.

That's what we do. We cry ourselves to sleep, wipe our own tears, and encourage ourselves to get up the next day. We know better than clinging to others for comfort and escape from our own fucked up world, so we're there for ourselves because nobody will. These guys are just as broken as I am. We share the same argument. I guess that's enough to keep us together – for now.

I was busy putting the plates in the rack from the dishwasher when I heard a door being closed harshly. I turned around to check who it was, and guess, it's Peter.

"So I'm guessing, a heart-to-heart talk just happened and it didn't go well as you've expected?" I asked him.

"Good analysis Wends, good night!"

"It's morning!"

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna sleep!" He said as he retreated to his bedroom. These guys are so unpredictably cute.

I went to "my" room and gathered myself up. I faced the mirror and greeted myself a happy birthday, then sighed. God, another year has passed and I am still out of luck. Where are they? DO they even remember me?