Random oneshots

The first

The first meeting was kinda.... actual shit. No really. The first time that I met the guy, his dog was shitting I'm my yard.

We exchanged the normal pleasantries. Well, what became normal for us.

"Clean up your muts shit!"

"I was trying to but the garbage can is currently talking to me. It must be already overflowing with shit from the opening, considering the smell."

"Hey babe, at least my morning breath doesn't smell like ass."

"That just means I get more action in bed than you."

Over the next year me and my soulmate talked a lot more. Our arms becoming covered in washable markers and beautiful art. The only reason we didn't have each other's numbers was because he didn't have a phone yet.

The only other thing I was doing when I wasn't talking to him was fucking with my neighbor. But one day, all contact stopped.

I wrote and wrote, but never got a reply. I would talk to the living dickwadd through a window. He talked about how he couldn't talk to his soulmate when I mentioned mine and I have talked in a while.

"Why don't I ever see you outside anymore?"

"Because I was stupid."

"Ain't that the truth."

We became closer over time. And in the morning I walked to the window and laughed about how I woke up with a dick drawn on my cheek.

I was genuinely happy to see that my soulmate said something, even if that was.... a dick move (AN: *slaps knee*)

As I look up, to my neighbors' open window. I see that he's not there. Must have had a change in his morning schedule.

Later on that day I see him walk out of a car. I sat by the window and waited for him to slump down in front of his.

"Where did you go?"

"Oh I just got my casts removed!"

"I didn't know you had a broken arm."

"Not one my man, two. Seems like my soulmate missed me." He lifts up his arms, covered from fingertip to shoulder in marks. "I feel bad because while I was asleep my brother drew a dick on me. Some kind of response my future boyfriend must have had after two and a half months."

He shows me his arm and we laughed until he saw my cheek.

Both laughing even harder at our own stupidity.

"So, I believe I heard something about a future boyfriend?"