Even Angels Fall

Chapter 32

                 ~~~~Christina~~~~

Over the next month, Mike relaxed quite a bit about how much he thought I should be doing. By the time his birthday came around, he didn't mind if I went out shopping sometimes. Although not alot or he'd start worrying again. But I was able to go out and actually get him a birthday present on my own. 

He'd read The Lord of the Rings through twice already and he'd been wanting to do it again, so I figured he should have his own copy of the series. 

Unfortunately, he still loved that awful name too. I must have suggested a hundred names and he didn't care for any of them. I was reluctant to flat out refuse the one and only name he seemed to like after he gave in to the one I wanted right away. I had a bad feeling my daughter was going to get stuck with a hideous middle name. But at least it would only be her middle name and she wouldn't have to use it almost ever.

I still felt a little thrill of excitement knowing I was going to have a daughter. It felt different somehow than just thinking of her as my baby. It felt more real. 

Sometimes I spent hours imagining what she would look like and sound like. Would she favor Mike or me? Would she love art or music or reading? Would she want to be a teacher or a writer or a doctor when she grew up?

One thing was certain, whatever she wanted to be or do, she would know without a doubt that Mike and I loved her more than anything in the world. She would never once feel like she had to earn our love or have to do anything to be worthy of it the way Mike and I did about our parents. We might not have a perfect or easy life, but one thing she would have plenty of was love. 

In fact, she already did. I read somewhere that after about five months, the baby could hear and that if she heard a certain voice enough, she would recognize it when she was born. So I started talking to her. Mike looked at me like I was crazy at first, but then I explained it to him and he started doing it too. It had to be the cutest thing I'd ever seen. 

By now, he'd been talking to her for about a month and every time he sat down to do it, she would start kicking like crazy. Which was also pretty darn cute.

But of course, the down side to all of this was that I looked and felt like a cow. As my birthday got closer, I didn't even want to go outside anymore. Only now it wasn't because I was afraid of my parents finding me. I felt pretty secure about that by this time. Now it was because I didn't want anyone seeing me at all. 

I'd never obsessed about my looks before. I didn't think I really cared. But now I know I just didn't mind how I looked, so I didn't worry about it. I minded now, and sometimes I let myself wallow in self-pity over not being pretty anymore.

I tried not to do it when Mike was around but sometimes the realization just hit and I would burst into tears. Like now. I was sitting on the bed and, thanks to my out-of-whack hormones almost hysterical.

Mike came in, surprising me, and I tried to turn away so he wouldn't see, but of course he did.

"What's wrong?" He came over and sat next to me, looking a little worried.

"Nothing," I blubbered. "Hormones." 

I must have used the hormones excuse a million times and usually it was true. Sometimes I would just burst out crying and I had no idea why. But at times like this, my hormones just exaggerated the problem.

"Christina," Mike said, sternly. "I can tell when you're crying because of your hormones and when you only tell me you are because you don't want to tell me what's wrong." He raised an eyebrow. "This is one of those times when something's bothering you."

I attempted to stop crying to try to make him think I was really okay, but it didn't work. I made this weird squeaking noise and continued to sob.

"Tell me." He still looked worried.

"I don't want to," I managed to get out.

"Why not?" 

I looked at him pitifully and didn't answer. He just watched me and I knew he wasn't going to let this drop. He never did. 

"Because you'll think I'm shallow," I cried.

He looked relieved that nothing was actually wrong with me before he fought a smile. I continued to cry.

"I promise, I won't think you're shallow," he said. "Tell me what's bothering you."

I looked away and stared at the floor. "I'm not....pretty anymore," I whimpered in between sobs.

Mike actually laughed at me, shocking me into stopping my bawling.

"I'm glad the fact that I'm ugly is so funny," I said, irritably before I hiccuped.

Mike laughed harder and I crossed my arms and glared at him. He stopped laughing but was still smiling when he put his hands on either side of my face.

"You're not ugly," he said. "You're beautiful."

"You have to say that," I pouted. "You're stuck with me."

He looked like he wanted to laugh again. "I don't have to say anything," he said. "You're the most beautiful, selfless, and brave person in the world." 

I half-smiled.

"Although, if this little girl looks anything like you," he said. "You might have some competition for the beautiful thing." 

I really did smile before I sighed. "You promise you don't think I'm ugly?"

"Not even a tiny bit," he said. "Would I want to marry someone I thought was ugly?" 

"You decided that when I was still pretty." I raised my chin. "You never said when." He could just wait until I wasn't pregnant anymore and might be pretty again.

"Alright," he said letting his hands fall away from my face. "Since you don't seem to believe what I'm saying, maybe you'll believe this." He pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket and handed it to me. 

I examined the paper. It was a receipt for something. I had no idea what this was supposed to be proving to me. I just looked at him confused.

"I planned on waiting to tell you about this till later," he said. "I wanted it to be a surprise, but that's a receipt for what I paid to the pastor to marry us after your birthday."

I started crying again, but thankfully, just the silent kind. "Really?"

"Really," he said. "I wanted to have everything taken care of by then and surprise you, but we both have to go apply for our marriage license together. I wanted us to have a real wedding, not just a quick one down at City Hall."

I smiled and continued to cry.

"I want to marry you," he said. "The sooner the better, and right now I think you're more beautiful than when I fell in love with you." He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss.

I smiled and then sighed. "But I'm so big," I complained. 

"You're not fat," he said. "You're pregnant. And you're not that big."

"I can't even see my feet anymore," I pouted.

"That's okay," he shrugged. "They're not your best feature."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically.

"You could be as big as a house and I'd still think you were beautiful," he teased.

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes.

He laughed. "You're not that big," he said again. "Besides, this is only temporary. Isn't it worth it for a little while for the baby?" 

"Yeah," I sighed, leaning in and putting my arms around him. How was I supposed to argue with that? 

"Uh oh," he said. "I can't quite reach anymore." He pretended to struggle to get his arms around me completely.

I smacked him and he laughed before closing his arms around me. 

"Hey, look at that," he said. "Still plenty of room to spare."

I smiled and snuggled against him.