Saturday 10:00 pm
Black
All i see is black
.
.
.
I woke up grunting, my eyes were a bit blurry but i dont know why, maybe i fell asleep again. I rubbed them and slowly i can see clearly where i was Im on the floor sitting near my bed.
"What happened to me?" I asked myself, did i fall off the bed or...
I looked at my arms and stared, not a single hint of shock can be felt within me.
i did it again
Even though it was dark and only the dim light of the moon entering my window was the only source, I can see blood dripping down my skin and most importantly i can feel the pain,the pain that stings like tiny needles being poked to my skin and yet I like this feeling.
I slowly get up using the bed for support but its hard since when I move my arms the stings get more painful, but slowly and surely i got up.
"My pills where could they be?" I pondered,I looked around but its dumb of me to look for something when its dark, I moved forward to turn on the lights but then my legs, they feel like jelly and with only a few steps I tumbled over.
"Wha–what the heck,why" I looked at my legs and they were in the same state as my arms, scars littered everywhere while blood was flowing.
I made an effort to stand up again using the nearby nightstand for support, enduring the pain coming from both my legs and arms I managed to stand up again.
I used nearby things for support, yes I moved slowly but atleast I reached my destination which was the light switch and turned it on.
When the bulb illuminated my whole room, you could see the mess, the blood, the razor blades and a lighter.
My room is always like this, never cleaned and blood would just sometimes dry up on the wooden floor but I dont care, this room would be empty someday.
With some more strenght I looked around for my pills, I need my pills and looked inside every drawers, from the top of my closet to the bottom of bed but I couldnt find them.
"Maybe it ran out again?" I questioned myself, I sat on my bed and looked at the scars and that are in my arms the blood already dried off leaving dark red blood that are stuck on my arms.
The more i look at my arms,the more i remember when i started doing this...why i started doing this.
Please dont leave me
I didnt mean to hurt you
I dont want to be alone again
Your the only friend i have
.
.
.
Please dont jump off the roof
Please dont die
Dont go HᜁHᜁᜎᜍ᜔ᜌ᜔
Aww your thinking about him again? Your the reason he died why do you feel guilty? You did this to him, it was your fault he died,its your fault,your fault,your fault...
"Please stop,I didn't mean it" My eyes were begining to sting. The voices they're here again
You didnt mean it? Hah if you just left him alone he wouldve live and be happy but you kept going with him did you not?
"I just wanted her to be happy,she..she said she" I was cut off by the voice
He loved you?! Hah pathetic,you are pathetic, you believed a lie just because it made you happy? Remember the last time you were happy??
"I..i didnt mean too...please Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry" I placed my hands over my ears I dont wanna hear them again,I dont wanna hear it again.
If your sorry's can turn back time I–, no we can accept that, but your sorry's are just mere words used to apologize. You can never bring him back.
