Laura's Journal

Journal Entry 5

Dear Journal,

Someone kill me… Please, just grab any sharp object and stab me with it. Let it pierce into my heart, let me die already.

Yesterday, my father came home, looking dreadful as ever. His hair a mess, bags under his eyes, and yet another bottle of beer in his hands. He looked agitated and rather uneasy. I tried to hide but he had spotted me already. I shrieked as he chased after me, hollering, ‘Fuck you, you have ruined my life!’ And ‘you’re going to pay for this you little imprudent piece of-‘

I genuinely was terrified, I wanted to lie on the floor, and possibly just die. I was becoming slower and slower, running out of breath. I stopped for a second to catch my breath, but that second cost me everything. He had caught me by my shirt, lifting me up so I could see his revolting face. I didn’t know what triggered me to do this but I spat in his face. He howled and dropped me, giving me a chance to escape. I had put my hand on the doorknob but he had caught up to me again and smacked my hand off. He then slapped me across the face, hard. I clutched my bruised cheek and salty tears rolled down my cheeks. He slapped me again, to make me shut up. He grabbed me by the waist, keeping a strong grip as I kicked and screamed for him to let me go. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but when he started to take off his clothes… I knew everthing was over.

He had pinned me down so I couldn’t move or even squirm. At that time, I wanted someone, anyone, to help me. No one came and all I felt was pain and repentance. My mother had come home so late. My father put a hand over my mouth as he continued to destroy me. I bit his hand and I screamed as loud as I could, enough for my mother to come running straight through the door. She just stood there, petrified. Dear god, I never wanted to be in the position my mum was in. Coming home to find your psychotic ex-husband raping his own flesh and blood.  My mother burst into tears, she dropped to the floor and just bawled. My father, finally realizing his own actions, pulled his pants up. His eyes widened and glistened with tears. He looked like he regretted everything he ever did. He didn’t even bother to say anything before he left hurriedly. My mother got up from the ground and walk towards me. The only words she managed to get out were, ‘I’m so sorry…”

I realized I was still naked, but I didn’t care at that moment. I dropped my head onto her chest and let all my tears flow. She was sobbing alongside me, saying how sorry she was even though it wasn’t her fault at all. I didn’t blame her for anything at all. And her feeling so guilty about everything that had happened to me shattered my heart even more.

My mother had called the police that night, practically sobbing into the phone to find and arrest him for incest. Mum was fuming,the police weren’t doing anything. I wasn’t surprised. Of course they wouldn’t help us, we were low class and apparently not significant enough.

My mother wouldn’t let me out of her sight and kept asking me if he had released inside of me. My father was an asshole, but he certainly wasn’t stupid. I shook my head each time, knowing all he did was scar me for the rest of my life.