Don't Hold Me

It's not that I don't wanna hold your hand while you walk me to home from the coffee where we had our firsts dates. It's not that I don't wanna call you every single night to tell you goodnight just to be sure that if I will not woke up in this morning your voice is the last thing I ever hear. It's not that I don't wanna feel your lips dancing with mines. It's not that I don't wanna hug you until I cannot breath.

It's not even one of all of these.

It's that I saw how my father broke my mother, stole her young years and then leave us. It's that I am hurt by every single human that walk into my life. It's that I cried a lot of times with my face in my pillow that nobody can hear. It's that I fell asleep so many times thinking about how I will deal tomorrow, in the morning, when my life will be the same or maybe will fall apart even harder.

So it's not about you. It's about me. It's the fact that I'm not how I was yesterday and I'm not sure if I will be the same person tomorrow. It's that I'm a kind of burning fire and I really don't want to burn you.

I want you. I really want, it's like my soul is starving after yours. It's like you are made from my wishes, like you're an answer for my prayers or a real version of my dreams. I'm sure we were made for each other. And now I will know every second in my life that the half of my heart is with someone else, kissing her and holding her face and hugging her.

I had a chance and I didn't take it. I let it go away, taking all my hopes. I'm sorry because I remove you, but you deserve better. You deserve someone else, even if I would be terrified to lose you and I would be full with love for you.

I just hope you don't say; because it will be too hard for me to see you and to keep you away. I wanna grab your face and kiss you. You have no fault because I don't hang out or not come at the dates you invite me at. It's just my heartbeat yelling at me that I have no right to hurt you. So I keep you at the distance.

Don't hold me, cause I am falling back down and I wouldn't wanna see you hit the ground.