Love Me Please (Larry Stylinson)

31

They go for a walk in the park near his childhood home. The leaves are vibrant and beautiful, many of them crunching beneath the soles of their shoes as they walk down the path, enjoying the beautiful October day. As Louis drove North, the sky had cleared up, turning from a ceiling of gray to now a sky full of sunshiney blue.

The sun feels nice on his face and the bare skin of his hands. Everything else is covered, first by Harry's clothes and then a warm coat overtop. Jay didn't ask about the well-worn shirt or the joggers which clearly don't fit him correctly, but she did eye them warrily, saying, "I suppose you'll explain."

He does explain. Everything, actually.

He begins with the night he first saw Harry and how he knew immediately he was his soulmatch. The feeling is difficult to describe thought authors, poets, screenwriters, and more have attempted to describe the feeling ever since the beginning of time. ALl Louis can say is that it felt as if a thin thread had attached to his heart and was pulling him forward. He moved of his own volition but always had that extra push, that extra incentive.

Louis explains how he was completely ignored even though they knew he was standing right there. He recalls what he felt when the girl Harry was flirting with looked at him and smirked like he was some pathetic thing just begging for Harry's attention. Jay listens and Louis moves on because he doesn't want to dwell on anything, he just wants to tell the story.

So he talks about avoiding Harry after that and never wanting to see him, because he couldn't face that same rejection again. He explains the night he went to Harry's performance despite his best judgement, knowing Harry would be there but not being able to stop himself from going. He explores how it felt so strange, as if he wasn't even in control of his own decisions and how he found his way to the front of the crowd easily despite the amount of people.

It hurts to say it out loud but he has to. He tells Jay about how they made eye contact and the world paused for just a moment. He tells Jay about how Harry pulled him up on stage and kissed him in front of everyone. He tells Jay how confused he felt, after the initial rejection and then the display of such passion, and how he ran away because he couldn't stand to be forced to be with someone who doesn't love him.

He tells her, regrettably, about the mess his life was after that day, when Harry knew they were matched and seemed not to recall rejecting Louis in the first place. He doesn't go into the details but he does tell her how he desperately slept around searching for someone who could possibly love him, or at least give him what he needed, because Harry could do neither of those things. He talks about how Harry would sometimes be there too and how he would always watch over Louis and make sure he got home safely.

He mentions Harry calling him crying one night because it hurt so badly he couldn't even think. He tells Jay how he feels the same way, how some nights he can't sleep because of the pain. How he never wanted to be with Harry, not after the way he treated him that first night, but that his body betrays him and he can't help but want him, can't help but need him, just to survive, just to be able to breathe.

He also tells her about this past week, and how different it's been. How Harry nearly begged for help with French and how Louis obliged him, perhaps spending more time with him than he needed to, and how Harry's different from what he thought and none of it makes sense anymore. He talks about last night, the horror movie and the way he pet Harry's hair, and how Harry knew something was wrong right away and hugged him comfortingly, and how he invited him to stay the night. Louis talks about sleeping in his bed, and then how gentle Harry was with him this morning, when he woke him up carefully and gave him breakfast.

The last thing he talks about is the hug and how Harry asked him to please be okay with doing this more often, just so it wouldn't hurt as bad.

"Oh Lou," she sighs when he's finally finished, and they've walked the same loop at least three times now. "You poor thing."

It feels good to walk in the fresh air and to be able to speak freely about everything that's been plaguing him lately. He hadn't known how much he needed to talk about it until he got it all off his chest. Now he feels liberated.

"So now I don't know what to do," Louis ends, summing up the basis of the crisis itself. I just don't know what to do.

"You think he doesn't care about you," Jay states, decidedly not a question. "And you're sure of this. Even though you're soulmates."

Last week his answer would've been steadfast but today he just doesn't know.

"Louis," Jay warns. "You can't be afraid of letting him love you."

"He doesn't love me, though. It doesn't always work out," Louis counters, feeling exhausted from spilling everything. "Soulmates aren't an exact science. Matches go wrong every day, all the time."

"It'll never work out if you don't try. You know that, darling."

"I'm so scared of him hurting me," Louis whispers.

"And what are you doing to him right now?"

She's right, of course, she always is.

"So what do I do?"

"You have to decide, if this is something you want to pursue, or if you just want to leave it here and not come back. It's a decision between both of you. It isn't fair for you to run away, just as it isn't fair for him to force you into anything. From what you've told me, it's clear he wants to be with you Louis. He's trying. But you have to talk about it with him. You have to tell him why you're upset, why you're afraid."

"And what if I'm right about him not wanting me? About him wishing he matched with someone else?"

"Then you aren't meant to be," Jay answers simply. "And you move on."

Easier said than done.