Forget Me Not

Ch 21. Mistakes And Regrets

Book of Amelia's Life Snippets

I think I never should have agreed to take Hannah in our group. All she does is keep drooling over Aaron!

Essa says it's Sal whom she keeps drooling over. Not Aaron. I don't think so! I don't want her. Essa thinks it would be fun to play cupid for Sal. Bleh.

All Aaron does is talk with Hannah ever since she has come in our lives. Excuse me, I'm your girlfriend! Not that fucking skank!

I saw them. I saw them kissing. AT MY PARTY! IN MY HOUSE! I'm not gonna say anything now. Let those two have some more fun. I'm gonna use this to my advantage. Both of em will pay for sure.

I feel like smashing Hannah's head against a wall. That slut! I'm gonna tell her she can't hang out with us anymore and I'm gonna do it my way by insulting her in front of the whole school. I wish she would just go away.

This was the last entry in her book. The pages were all blank after that. I read the last entry again and the hurt in me slowly turned into anger. And then rage. And I bolted out of the washroom.

I heard Sarah calling after me but her voice seemed so distant. The way it seems when we are dreaming and our mom calls us to wake up. All I remember clearly after that is someone pulling me away from Amelia and people shouting at me to stop.

****

That someone was Sal. He had pulled me away when I was almost about to choke Amelia out of her senses. He had taken me through the kitchen door into the backyard where we were now sitting.

There was a large swimming pool which had lights underneath the water and the whole backyard smelled of lilacs. We sat on the patio chairs, looking at the stillness of the water in the pool.

There was no wind at all. Not even a single leaf moved. But I still felt better out here than the stuffy atmosphere inside the house. Sal looked at me patiently, giving me time to calm down. He had never seen me like this. No one had ever seen me like this, not even Sarah. I myself was shocked that I had done such a horrible thing. Ruin someone's birthday, embarrass myself in front of a huge crowd by doing something unacceptable, and then sit in front of the person whom you probably like, ashamed of yourself.

"You okay?" Sal finally asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I simply nodded, not yet ready to look him in the eyes.

"It's okay if you don't wanna tell me."

"I read Amelia's diary." My voice was hoarse from all the screaming and crying.

Sal looked at me, urging me to go on. I wanted him to understand everything just by this one line as I had no energy left in me to speak or move. All I wanted was to go home. Coming to this dreaded party was a big mistake. What was I expecting? Amelia or Aaron or Vanessa to just walk up to me and tell me everything that they have been hiding? Ha! Never in a trillion years.

"Maybe I should stop," I thought aloud.

"Stop what?"

"Trying to find out what happened to Hannah. Maybe she's dead."

"Rachel!" Sal held both my shoulders and turned me towards him. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that! We're gonna find her."