Serenity

Panic Room

Dedicated to a close friend going through a harsh time in life right now.

•–•–•

Walking through the blank, endless halls tormented me in the worst ways. It was empty, white and endless, reminding me of the sterilized walls of a hospital. Visions flashed before me tauntingly; of the mocking whispers when they thought I couldn't hear, of the sarcastic jeers when they thought I couldn't see, of the disapproving looks when they thought I wasn't aware. But I was.

It hurt, yet I was numb. I could feel the tears, but they weren't falling. I could hear my heart oh so loud, deafening me.

Suddenly, as abrupt as the memories came, they were gone. Instead, it was replaced by nothing. Just nothing. Everything was gone, silent and terrifying in its own way. I called out in vain, only hearing my pitifully weak voice echo back. 'Hello?' It whispered back to me, but somehow, it was mocking me. It was laughing at me now, saying how useless I was, how I was weird­– different, from everyone around me. It taunted me relentlessly, that I didn't act like a girl, that I shouldn't like what I like, that no one truly likes me.

I covered my ears, desperate for everything to end, but the voice was still there. It was my mother's voice now, scolding me on how I shouldn't like something so vulgar, then it was my father's, saying I waste too much money on useless things, and now it was my siblings, teasing me on how I would be forever alone and how no one actually wanted to be near me.

I just shook my head and shut my eyes tight in denial, and suddenly, there were multiple voices. I looked up­–when did I look down?– and gasped quietly. All my friends were there, sneering at me in disgust. 'You're disgusting.' One spat. 'Why would we be friends with you?' Another one laughed cruelly. 'You're weird. None of us like you. We were just pitying you." They all laughed together this time, pointing at me with smirks on their faces and a look in their eyes. It scared me.

"Please, stop!" I cried weakly. They just laughed harder, joined in by the laughter of my family. There was a loud sound behind me, and I jumped, whipping my head back in panic. 'No more. Please no more. I can't take it anymore!' A small tune started playing, so I stilled. It was fine at first, but it morphed into something terrifying: my worst nightmare.

Welcome to the, welcome to the...

Welcome to the, welcome to the...

I shivered. That detached voice was ghastly, like a ghostly woman searching for vengeance, even after her untimely demise.

Hell raising, hair raising

I'm ready for the worst

So frightening, face whitening

Fear that you can't reverse

My phone has no signal

It's making my skin crawl

The silence is so loud

The silence was more than loud. I've experienced the silence inside my head one too many times, alone in a crowd.

The lights spark and flicker

With monsters much bigger

Than I can control now

My monsters made their homes within the cracks in my heart, happily feeding off my torment and desperation of when I'm left picking up the pieces of my old self.