The Professor's Secret

28. A Proper Discussion

As I trailed the way back to Lumiose – and was actually pretty close now –, remembering the day I left became easier, and my decision to cut contact with Professor Sycamore was reaffirmed through memory's effective justification - I felt the same feelings from that day assault my breast and compromise my heartbeats with the sickness only remembrance can bring: How to face him after such a supreme level of intimacy? How to censor and escape his flirtation, after allowing him so far? How to pretend I didn't care so much (So much!)? ...But that was the best-case scenario, I eventually reminded myself of it: what if there were no longer his treacherous fingers pursuing, binding, handling me so lightly? No more of his special smiles and ambushes, after having achieved that which he craved for like a beast? ...How would I be able to face him again then?! How would I bear it? To be... ordinary!

There was also a small chance he would decide to listen to Lysandre: Staying away from me for my own good, or the good of the research, as they discussed, would seem much easier after achieving that troublesome goal. How cruel my thoughts were as they swirled around all the hypothesis! – but those were the scared feelings that haunted me then; now they seemed silly and exaggerated, specially under the light of having Sycamore put the entire Kalos on their watch for me. And, after all, wasn't this into which I walked probably just another one of his ambushes? Another excuse to get me away from the public eye so he could resume his pushy investments? I held back a smile as one tried to stretch across my face – the butterflies had returned as if they'd never gone away.

On the day I left Lumiose I walked until dusk, then stopped at a Center to rest, let my party out of their pokeballs for some fresh air, and watch the night descend.

Charizard looked around with excited eyes once he was out, probably looking for the last person he had seen before going back to his ball – that had to be Sycamore, who retrieved him from the storage system. But Sycamore wasn't anywhere near, and Charizard's eyes eventually spotted me sitting on the bench, watching his reaction. His mood sunk considerably in clear disappointment: I wasn't the professor. I hadn't abandoned him back to his former master just because he disobeyed me in battle, as he might have initially assumed... and that didn't look like such good news to him.

"I guess some things just don't change, do they?" I sighed away my impatience – my spirit was so subdued, I couldn't even be mad – perhaps only just as disappointed as Charizard was with me. I caressed his long neck and tried to solace his sunken head... it was the least I could do, however annoyed his devotion made me feel: I suffered from the very same illness!

A leather bracelet held his mega stone in place around his ankle – certainly a gift from the professor, a proof that they had spent time together and an incentive for the two of us to fight on and reach that ultimate level of evolution. I complied with the undeclared intention; the gift was also more than convenient... But, for the first time, I didn't want to do it for him – for Professor Sycamore. I wanted to do it for Charizard – no, for myself, so I could be acknowledged as his master... so he would obey only me! That determination kept me away from both feeling angry at my Pokémon and missing Sycamore... Tossing my Pokédex so he couldn't track me anymore was just a collateral decision, and thus six weeks were past with me hardly looking inside – only ahead of myself, for the next gym and the next battle... It was a good feeling overall, but not one so easy to keep up all day without stressing myself: pushing thoughts of him away felt pretty much like holding a stretched rubber band – tiresome, but how hurtful it would feel to let go after stretching it so far!

The elevator door beeped open – a sound familiar to all my associated memory. The room was involved in his pleasant scent like I didn't remember it for being.