Heroin // Larry AU

my eyes roll back

February 19th, 2017.

"Maybe you just need to lower your expectations, Louis."

"And maybe you need to stop lying to me! I can see it in your dilated eyes, you dumbass! Why can't you just admit you've been doing coke?" Louis' voice was strong, he was standing his ground this time. The other three times they had this fight, he crumbled into a weak mess and just let Harry go. It was easier than facing the truth.

"I'm not doing drugs again! You have no fucking faith in me, you never did!" Harry's words were slurred. They always were. The drugs in his system made it hard to form a coherent thought... but that was how he liked it. "You selfish prick, you only want me around because you can't seem to find a fucking job. What's wrong, Louis? No one wants to hire a prissy bitch?"

Louis just rolled his eyes and went to the living room. He sat down on the couch and watched as their cat climbed into his lap. It cheered him up a little. But when Harry followed behind with his coat on and his wallet and keys in his hand, Louis had to squeeze his eyes shut. "Harry, come on. Just sit down and watch a movie with me. We can talk in the morning." He pleaded quietly, looking over at his boyfriend.

"Piss off." The last thing Louis heard was the door slamming shut. After an hour, Louis got up and locked the door before he went into the kitchen and got out his dinner. A small portion of chicken and a salad. Harry was on a whole meal prepping kick, so he had perfectly portioned dinners for Louis since he usually worked nights and he just wanted to make sure the small boy ate enough during the day.

It was four in the morning when Louis finally called the police. It was obvious that Harry was being stubborn and not coming home, and honestly? Louis was worried sick. He tried everything to stay calm, even wearing Harry's clothes and laying on his side of the bed, but it didn't work. He called the police and gave them a description of his boyfriend, what he was wearing, and things of that nature.

It was six in the morning when Louis got a call back. It was from the officer on his case and it didn't sound good. He had Louis come down to the hospital (which he could walk to, luckily) and from there, Officer Hood informed Louis that they had found Harry in an area of town that was notorious for drug use. Louis wasn't surprised.

He was surprised to find out that Harry had overdosed. He was still in rocky condition, but he was stable enough to breathe and be awake. Louis called Liam, threw up in the bathroom, and then walked down the long hallway to Harry's room. When he walked in the room, the first thing he could think to do was go over to the bed and slap Harry across the face.

"You're a fucking idiot, Harry. You could- you almost died." Louis' bottom lip was quivering then. "Was it worth it? Was getting high worth risking your life? Leaving me?"

Harry could not even make eye contact with Louis.

"I wouldn't have been so mad if you just... if you told me, Harry. We have seen each other at our worsts and still found a way to love one another, so why couldn't you just tell me? Or let me help?"

Harry still could not make eye contact with Louis. He felt... gross? Ashamed? He felt horrible. And honestly, he did not have an answer to his boyfriend's questions. He could not understand why he did everything he did. Hell, he was still trying to figure out why he did it the first time.

"Say something, Harry. Fucking say something." Louis pleaded; his eyes shut after that to hide the tears that were burning behind his eyelids.

"I don't know what to say, Lou. I fucked up; I know. I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I couldn't just come clean and tell you about it." He answered truthfully, finally glancing over at Louis. "I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own." Harry shook his head, a pitiful and humorless laugh leaving his chapped lips, "I'm sorry."

"You should be!" Louis yelled, tears falling from his eyes. He knew better than to be mad at Harry, he truly did. Louis knew that this was an ongoing battle, it always would be an ongoing battle. "Every time you come home, and your eyes are red and dilated, and... and your words are slurred and slow, I... fuck." Louis had to pause and take a breath before continuing, "I let it slide at first. I figured you were just tired, that you stopped off at Liam and Niall's for a few drinks before coming home. I wanted to trust you. I wanted to trust that you cared more about your recovery to do something as stupid as relapse. But then I confronted you the first time, and you told me 'no, baby, I wouldn't do that.' Bullshit! You were doing it the whole time! The second time I confronted you, you yelled at me and threatened to leave! And I let you walk out that door, knowing you were going to get high and not come back for hours, you were gone for a day! Liam had to leave work to go pick you up somewhere!" Harry wanted to crumble. He wanted to sink down into this mattress and disappear. "And now you have the nerve to lay there and laugh! I was worried sick last night, Harry!" Despite his tears, Louis moved closer to Harry and cupped the lad's cheeks, forcing his boyfriend to make eye contact with him. "Do you not realise how much I love you, Harry? You... you're my soulmate. You held me during my worst times, you comforted me when I was having breakdowns, you sat with me for hours sometimes until I could finish a meal and you never complained once. You even called out of work to hold me all day when I was on the verge of a relapse. You did all of that for me because you love me, you helped me because I came to you and told you something was wrong. Why can't you let me do the same? Why... why can't you just let me be there for you? That's all I want. I just want both of us to be healthy and to have that kind of relationship."

Harry had tears in his eyes at that point, one of his hands reaching up to set on Louis' wrist gently. "I love you, H. I love you more than anything in this entire fucking world. And I want you to get better."

"I love you too." Harry whispered finally, blinking back his tears. "I'm sorry." That's all he could say. That was all that felt right enough to say. "I'm so sorry, Lou. I thought I was strong enough."

"I don't want you to be strong, I want you to stay alive." Louis whispered, leaning into kiss Harry's chin in a soft manner. It was moments later that a doctor came in, going over Harry's condition with them both.

"Because of the severity of the situation, it was ruled an attempted suicide." Harry cringed at that word. Attempted. He had attempted suicide many times, and this was not one of them. But he had no energy to fight. "Even though you're of legal age, Mr. Styles, we're going to put you into a psychiatric facility for at least three days as a preventative suicide watch. From there, the therapists there will determine if you're stable enough to leave or if you need to stay for a bit longer." Harry's mouth went absolutely bone dry.

"What... what facility?" Louis asks slowly, holding onto Harry's hand tightly.

"Willow Top Psychiatric Facility. It's located here, not too far away." Fuck.