What Used to Be

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The darkness was alive, it was moving and pushing against him. Settling in his mouth and ears, flowing out of his nose like a stream of blood.

He fought against it, gagging as it dripped down his throat, thrashing as it pinned him down.

It was going to suffocate him.

He heard whispers, his ears buzzed and suddenly a far off light spotted his vision. The darkness seemed to hiss, traveling to the edges of the glare. There was a beeping noise, and suddenly Matt's world exploded in hot white light. He groaned, trying to roll from the sudden brightness.

"Matt....Matt."

He opened his eyes slowly, like lifting a heavy blanket, and registered the blurred shape of a face close to his own.

The person's breath stank.

Matt could only ground out an incomprehensible answer even to himself. The face disappeared. "He's becoming responsive."

The room around him continued to focus slowly, as if he was looking through a pair of cheap binoculars and adjusting the knob. Where was he, and why?

"Your gonna feel a little funny for a while, a little slow, okay?" He didn't know who had spoken.

He felt pressure on his left hand and glanced down. His eyes felt sore. Someone was gripping it. He tried to squeeze back in reassurance but wasn't sure if it had worked, it hadn't felt right. He looked around.

He was in a bed, a white bed. A hospital bed.

"How do you feel?" It was a woman's voice, familiar. His mom. His mom was here.

"I feel ...I feel weird." It was a breathy reply, met by a breathy assortment of laughs filled clearly with relief.

"I don't understand." He tried again. His throat felt filled with sand. "What...what happened?"

There was a pause in which the only noise was a red glowing machine that emitted a constant beeping.

His mother looked at the doctor, her eyebrows raised.

The doctor, though his edges were fuzzy, was an older man. He sighed. "I did mention that we would not know the full extent of the symptoms until he was awake."

The symptoms? Matt's eyes found a tube that snaked from somewhere above his head and connected to his arm. An IV.

His mother turned her attention back to him. She suddenly looked close to tears. "You...you hit your head."

Oh.

"It was an accident....you were out with friends...."

Oh.

"We can discuss it more later."

....oh.

Wait....

Matt was confused, he hadn't been out with friends....had he? He couldn't remember it. There seemed to be a gaping hole in his mind, like someone had gone over his last few memories with a dry eraser. There was nothing there but twisting shadows.....Matt's head began to throb. Nothing, nothing, nothing....nothing except a strange feeling, like an almost memory. A memory of the feeling of a memory.

*************

His hands were tingling, he could feel sweat collecting at the base of his hairline. Grabbing a pill bottle from its usual place on his bedside table he popped the top off and crossed the hall to the bathroom.

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

He'd let it spiral out of control again.