"good morning." the voice greeted through the call. the comforting voice of his. it's ironic how the very same voice could give me pain as well. i kept my eyes closed, waiting for him to speak again. the room was still quite dark, but the soft light illuminating from the window made me turn my back against it. "i know you're awake."
ugh.
"get up now, we're going to be late." he said again.
"we?"
"oui. i'm going with you." he continued. "i mean, not as in going on board with you, i meant-"
"i know what you mean, taeyong." i sighed softly as i pulled myself up. my eyes didn't feel heavy. it's not like i could go back to sleep anyway but if i could just lie back down on my bed and wait a few hours till i miss my flight-
"hey, don't go back to sleep, alright?"
sigh.
"i'll be there in an hour. see you." beep.
there i was, having no choice but to get up and get ready for my flight. i put one hand on my chest as if it could take the pain away. what's wrong with you? you dreamed for this. you worked hard for this. why are you sad? why am i sad?
"rey? are you finally awake?" i heard aunt tia just outside my door. "i called taeyong to wake you up, since you won't budge even if i break this door into pieces. can't believe it worked, haha!"
"you knocked?"
"yeah, if my knuckles are bruised it's your fault. turns out all it actually took was a phone call from your boyfriend." she snorted. "kids these days."
"kids these- he's not my boyfriend!" i got up and grabbed my towel.
taeyong and i are just friends. i think it's safe to say that we're great, great friends. best friends. i don't know, but there's one thing that i'm sure of. we're comfortable with each other and one of the reasons why i didn't feel like leaving my bed was that i don't feel like leaving my friends, leaving aunt tia, leaving him.
i glanced at my brown luggage and a few more bags on the floor next to it. do i have time to unpack and just cancel everything and act like nothing happened? i turned my head, staring back at aunt tia. oh she definitely caught me red-handed. aunt tia breathed out a soft sigh. she didn't seem to be annoyed like usual which is.. a little odd. she put one hand on my shoulder and stared into my eyes.
"honey, i know you don't wanna leave but do you remember what you said years back?"
i waited.
"rey, you were so ambitious and i literally cried when you got accepted into your dream university. don't tell me you'd rather sit here and let it go just because you can't move on?" the longer i look at her, the more i noticed changes. the fine lines on her face brought me back to the old times. aunt tia, how can i leave you here when you took care of me nearly my whole life?
"oh sweetie, don't worry about me." she said, which reminded me that aunt tia could read minds and that means she just read mine.
"oh god stop that.." i grabbed the mug from the cupboard and poured myself some water. "you know that's privacy breach right?"
she let out a laugh while i took a sip to cover my tomato red face. "you're being dramatic."
"i can't get used to it, aunt tia."
"well, i won't be around to read your mind anymore in a few more hours." she gave me a smile as i rolled my eyes. "oh, taeyong's here."
"right."
at this moment i couldn't help but to glance at taeyong while he brought some of my bags as we walked. i was running out of time, yet i don't know when exactly the time is to tell him how i feel. aunt tia left us both to get something to eat, so there i was, standing next to him as we waited. i see him almost everyday, but today, why am i noticing every little thing about him? he's wearing the shoes i bought for him on his birthday. he's wearing the jacket i liked, and he's wearing his favorite fragrance.
"it's your big day. why aren't you smiling?" he broke the silence, looking at me as he did. did he catch me staring?
"i don't know, i just feel a little sad, you know?" i forced a small smile. "i'll miss aunt tia, i'll miss my friends..," i took a deep breath and mustered my courage. "and i'll miss you too." i fixed my gaze somewhere that's not his eyes so i won't forget what i want to say.
"i'll miss you a lot too."
heartbeat.
"don't be sad, rey. if you need a call, i'll be there. heck, if you need me there i'll find a way to get to you as fast as i can." he flashed a bright smile, his hands kept warm in his pockets. "we'll be really far away from each other but hey we have the internet."
i let out a dry laugh. "yeah."
"don't be upset, don't be. i want to see you leaving with a smile, and perhaps give me the biggest good bye wave while you're at it." he winked.
"oh embarrassing myself just because i won't be around for some time?" i raised an eyebrow. taeyong chuckled and shrugged, before his eyes found its way back to mine.
this is it.
"i need to get going now, i'll call aunt tia on the way since she's.. not here yet..?" i looked around. taeyong didn't say anything, but nodded in silence. my heart began pounding, the tip of my fingers turned cold. i don't know how to say it. i don't know how to do it, but my hand gripped on my bag and my feet started to walk further from where we stood together.
oh god, get a grip, rey.
i looked back and waved back at him. he waved back, and i could still see him smiling. one hand in his pocket, one hand waving good bye. waving good bye. i stopped turning back to look at him when his figure grew smaller as the distance became bigger although i wish to do so again and go back to him instead. i didn't even tell him everything that i needed to tell.
it's okay. till next time, i will.
"wow, you guys really are a bunch of cowards. and idiots." aunt tia finally walked her way to taeyong with a paper bag in her right hand and a soft drink in her left. taeyong glanced and raised an eyebrow, confused. aunt tia sighed in disappointment.
"why didn't you tell her?" she asked. "why didn't you confess?"
taeyong suddenly felt the pain in his chest. slowly, he put one hand on his chest, hoping it would go away like how rey did seconds ago. slowly vanishing from his sight the further she stepped away. "i don't know. i'm just.. scared, i guess?"
"scared of what? getting rejected?"
as painful as it is to admit that aunt tia was right, he still nodded. "yeah. don't you think it'll be awkward if she doesn't feel the same? what if she stops being friends with me just because of the awkwardness-"
"but don't you think it'll be magical if she feels the same way?" she interrupted him, then gave him a smile. taeyong crossed his arms, his eyebrows furrowed with doubt and questions in his head. "so confident."
"boy," she nudged him with her elbow. "never doubt me." she smirked. "but oh well, now that you're too late. guess you just have to text your confession then." aunt tia said nonchalantly.
now that she's said it, taeyong definitely won't text his confession to her.
till next time, i will.
