Something I can't tell

A letter to a lover

I'd rather lose myself than you -
A story which I'll never whisper
To your ear, when your pleasure collides
With my whole body's despair.

Would this scenery be enough
As I gave to you my whole
From the bottom of my fingers,
To my heart and my own soul?

You picked only what you needed,
Greedy demon I obbeyed,
Till your touch had made me shiver,
As I heard the truth you said.

That you didn't care for me,
Rag doll of your own disgrace
That you'd put back to its place
After playing way too long.

Why won't my temple be enough?
Flesh and blood and even more,
Strings my soul have been attached
To my horrifying gore.

As I put my heart on stake
Served cold, like you used to like,
Follow your cannibal trait
Devour the offerings denied.

I would tell you every nightmare.
Have you eyes to close and watch
My despair of you forgetting
Me, turned into suicide?

Not the cliché, romantic one
As some of them put gore in fun,
But that one that wet my pillow
As I saw your care was gone.

There's no design in suicide.
But is it in your faux skin you shed on me
As I put down, counting clothing, one by one
While you painted countless sins?

I dreamt of letting you go.
Is it a nightmare, or a bliss?
'Cause between my one soul's law
And the loss, my soul craves this.

Would I drown into my nightmares
If your hand is cupping mine?
As the first touch I was getting
Was sending shivers down my spine?

Some would say I would feel better
If my soul half was near me,
But if our together would last as etern
Through Hell and Heaven would we be.

Would you save me at witches hour, when moon at full,
And its patron is after me,
With clapping wings, with leather skin,
Telling me to lose my soul?

Haven't I, a year later,
After what the creature told
That I will find my end in murder,
As I will turn just way too cold?

"Murder one!" "So if I won't,
What would be my fate's turning?"
It has warned me, that my soul
Would be close to the Hell's burning.

The year passed, what a bliss
As the dream has faded, my soul at peace
Like a dove's cage locked with a key.
What a shame I gave it to you for free.

Stupid game of love and crime,
I am just like Juliet
Waiting for the one that's right,
Losing every dime of pride.

You were right, my cage was opened,
As you proclaimed my innocence a sin
That you corrupted, little by little
Till I indulged myself in it, as I said - through thick and thin.

Could I show to you my burden?
Oh, I showed you, you denied,
Telling that you'll think about it.
How much delight in a lie.