✓ | WHERE DID YOU LEAVE YOUR LOVE? ━ 𝐂.𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊

[𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒? 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄?]

┍━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┑
"where did you leave your love?"
┕━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┙
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  DIARY ENTRY TEN:
AM I JEALOUS OR AM I JUST PROTECTIVE?

I went to another Traphouse party today, Jake practically forced me, I mean it was the last one before they all were moving out and because he couldn't stop bothering me all day about attending their party and I was like "FUCK YOU IM GONNA GO BECAUSE YOUR SO ANNOYING" so I did, and invited my dearest Tara because I wanted company, hopefully this time, she doesn't bail on me, I still love her though :)

I stayed there for the night because I wanted to, I'm always welcomed to stay, I usually help clean up and by that time I would already be sleepy so I would just sleep on the couch or whatever. But let's talk about what happened that night, because I'm guessing everyone wants to know why I put that overdramatized title on my entry, because why the fuck not?

The whole party was fun asf, I couldn't lie, and say that I didn't have the time of my life hanging out with the people that I love once again, but all things in my life tend to shatter into very big pieces because I guess life doesn't want me to be happy at all, seriously. David and his friends were there again, because why the hell not, he's one of the best people I know, totally talented or whatever, we film a few bits because I'm a fan favorite in his vlogs I guess and I'm wondering where everyone is, and I just see Colby there, with a girl on his lap, making out, not very low-key about it.

I immediately walked out, I don't know why, something inside me didn't want to see another second of what was happening. I swallowed whatever fucking pride I had and continued to try and socialize at the party. They were soon seen holding hands and being lovey dovey and I waited until he was alone and I asked him what the fuck was that. It was a friends with benefits type of thing. Yet apart of me was kind of betrayed, but Rose? Why the fuck would you feel that way? I don't know either, I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

Why didn't he tell me in advance? I get it, he's very private about his life and all but I'm apart of his friend circle, I'm fine with knowing that. Why do I feel like this?! I don't understand my own body at this point I'm so conflicted. I didn't get mad at him in real life of course, I couldn't do that to him, if he wants this, then I'll let him do it but I don't know.

I was soon confronted by the girl who's name was Adelaide. She told me to stop talking to him. Huh funny right? She threatened to beat me up to, which is kind of stupid because I'm pretty sure Colby cares about ME more than her. But I don't mean to sound like an overprotective fucking girlfriend, I'm just his girl..friend you know? But at that moment, I wanted to slap the living hell out of her, I wasn't drunk or on anything because I'm a good girl.

I don't want to tell him though, because he looks like he's genuinely happy around her, maybe he's in love after all, maybe this is this build up to a great fanfic story where they were best-friends or friends with benefits and they realize they love each other at the end, but at the same time, I don't want him to get hurt, she seems very manipulative or something,  I just get a horrible vibe from her in the first place.

But I think Colby deserves this, yet I still don't know as I'm writing this, my heart is sinking to its core. But I keep fucking asking myself WHY? I think it's because I don't want him to go through another heartbreak or something or maybe it's because of something else, maybe I'm in love with him or something, but that seems ridiculous right? I'm one of his many best friends.

Me? In love with Colby Brock? Your so funny.

But in all great honesty, I'm happy for him.

No I'm not.

DELETED "No I'm not"

Me and him talked about it after the party, while she was sleeping in his bed. He seemed so worried about this, and I tried my best to be a good friend and tell him that it's going to be alright. Hugged for a while, I knew at that moment, everything, no matter what happened in the last two hours, was going to be ok, and I reassured him that I would always be there for him, no matter what.

He kissed my forehead and gave me one last hug before going back to bed, in which I spent that night thinking about what happened, I still am, as I'm writing this at home now, but I hope this will be fine and I hope that everything will be ok after all.

Goodnight diary, goodnight everyone.

— xoxo Rosalyn Fray

—𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚? | 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐛𝐲 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤
@DEVLISHION| KEILANI