the perfectly imperfect

the reason.

"Feeeezzzz" I groaned as he continued to laugh at my in-depth theory of how love doesn't really exist. "What rue?" he started as he chucked and coughed staring me straight on. "I dunno what's going on whichu or what you're thinking in that head of yours but love is real." his face slightly grew serious which made my heart tighten in an uncomforting way. Fez is my brother. Although we aren't blood I think our DNA still matches in some impossible way, I don't know what my ass would do without him.

"Yeah," I started as I hung my head off the couch and let my messy brown curls hit the floor. "Maybe family love." Fez just took another inhale of his cigarette and shook his head at me. "That too." Maybe there was love out there, but the world makes it look so cringe-worthy and disgusting, unloyal, and like I said, kind of unreal. Although I've had a few kisses, given a few blowjobs, handjobs, and have had sex once, I never saw any of that as love. Every typical young girl grew up to think that there was always this stunning handsome prince charming waiting for them to meet and fall in love, but every time my mom turned on barbie, It was fact that ken was the ugliest man ever. I mean come on, barbie definitely had better in her life– love, the word seems pushed and pulled. I guess I don't know how I would ever describe love, only the kind you feel when you and your family put on that one song and talk about that one memory that makes you forget about all the hard times that surround you now. That kind of love. Family love.

"Rue." Fez looked up over to me as I'm throwing my maroon hoodie over my head. "Wassup?" I answered making full eye contact. "I just wanted to let you know," Fez began as he flicked his cigarette in the ashtray. "That I'm proud of you, you know, for finally being clean for a year." he got quiet and I could tell he was being soft, and it felt weird. Weird only in the way that I love though, the weird that gives you this mushy happy feeling inside, I hated it. Fez and I are never like this so in these moments it's hard for me to even react. "Cool," I started looking away out to the window hesitantly. "Thanks." I finished with a half-smile.

It was around 9 pm when I finally decided to leave, it was definitely one of those last summer nights because it was getting shorter. The breeze felt warm as it hit my face, looking around at my surroundings always made me feel safe in a way. Everything was always the same while I rode by every house, whether the outside of the house was trashy or organized, it usually always looked the same. Not that I didn't like the idea of change, being a year clean has been one of the biggest changes in my life, and definitely one of the hardest. It was just the satisfaction of everything being the same whenever you came back to it, it made me feel comfortable. "Watch out!" I heard a girl scream from behind. Scared and hesitant I hit my brakes too hard and swerved into a bush. Great.

I could hear someone booking it towards the bush and all I could feel is a mixture of stupidity, anxiety, and embarrassment. I wanted to stay still because hopefully whoever it was would walk away and I wouldn't have to explain the amount of fuckery that just happened. "Are you okay?" I heard the same concerned voice from earlier. Shit. I peeked my head out of the bushes to see a blonde girl with a thin face, she looked very concerned. she had makeup that looked out of this world complicated, and pretty blue eyes. "Hello?" She asked concerned. "I, uh, yeah," I started as I pulled myself out of the bush and grabbed my bike. "I'm good." I finished straightening my bike out. "Nice to meet you Good, I'm Jules." She said with a shit smirking grin across her face.

Now usually in the moment of this, I would politely walk away but oddly enough I didn't want to. "Ha," I said with a half-smile. Nice Rue, be fucking awkward. "I'm totally kidding," the girl said, her face growing a bit more serious. I observed her, she was wearing a bright pink tank top that read 'girls', and some purple baggy pants, one headphone in and one out to hear what I had to say. Her hair is blonde but it faded out to a darker blue at the ends, and something told me that she was definitely different. "I'm Rue." I finally spit out as I let out my hand to her. She immediately took it into hers and shook it, a smile now on her face. "That sounds more reasonable," she said letting my hand go. We both laughed before it grew awkward. It got silent but again for some reason I didn't wanna part ways with her. Our eyes locked and I felt my anxiety grow, I could hear the sound of my heart beating in my chest as the night felt slightly darker. one second, two seconds, three seconds. Jules looked down and then straight back up at me trying to avoid awkward direct eye contact. "Where are you off to this late?" She finally said. I snapped back into reality. "Home actually," I tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "Where are you going?" I asked her. She looked around and then back at me before speaking, It was weird. "okay," she began as she laid her hand on my wrist, she looked at me intensely, like that weird psychotic look. "I'm sort of on a mission." She finished still looking at me intensely. I didn't know how to react or what to do really. "i'm fairly new here," she loosened her grip on my arm, causing me  to exhale slowly. "do you know Nate Jacobs?"