The Nerd's Mafia

Chp 10- Emotional outburst

Just a visual view of what Pearl's going to face in this chapter...

(I dedicated this chapter with the song of Katelyn Tarver named You don't know.) Katelyn Tarver-you don't know.

Pearl's POV

Emotional outburst.

I slept late due to some sexual healing that I needed but instead I dreamt...I actually dreamt after all those years.

I woke up in the middle of the morning with Lydia cuddled up in my chest so I gently removed her and took out all the cigars that I needed and fetched the cold steeled gun with the lighter as I scrambled to the bathroom.

My entire body was shaking violently as I walked in only my grey panties and bra. The moment the door was closed I breathed heavily while pushing at my braided locks.

That dream comes now and why today...why now. I didn't wanna remember that horrible past and it only fueled my anger and hole..I didn't care if the celling was new and clean because I was going to ruin it.

I collapsed behind the closed door and locked it feeling my body shake violently as all the tears I left in my past came.

"Noo!! Mother."

The voice that I had buried came down on me like a storm and the lighting had turned to a raging thunderstorm. I breathed heavily as I tore open the new packet and lit it up as I inhaled the cigar with heavy strength and energy.

I felt my vision became blurry as hot tears fell down my cheeks and they only fell harder. I have always kept that poker face on for years and it's tiring, I want to actually not be ok...I wanna cry and smoke till I collapse.

I hated this feeling...I hated feeling like I was missing something within my inner soul. I hated feeling like shit.

I kept shaking and crying like a baby before taking a drag and taking another one and another and another till I lost count.

"Mama loves you jewel."

Her voice echoed only successfully making me wail harder and painfully as the chemicals coursed through me and gave me a headache but I didn't care as I kept smoking till the first package was ruined and finished.

I grabbed the gun loaded with bullets and pointed it straight at the celling and shot more than one bullet. I didn't care if they all heard.

I felt the pain creeping all over my veins and arteries as they left through my eyes.

"Querido!"

I remember her shouting painfully loud through her pain and blood.

I could hear shuffling and knocking and also some stupid "it's gonna be okay." Speech.

I didn't need people telling me it's fine if they didn't know how it felt like. I avoided the voices as I looked at the holes in the celling. Grabbing another cigarette and smoking it before loading the gun with bullets again and firing at the celling.

The sound was familiar and always reminded me of the painfully slow memory that damaged me.

The young girl in me cried and broke through and I let her come out with anger as I continued to aim the gun on the celling and shot holes through it.... smoke was heavy in the atmosphere and the inner beast in me broke loose.

"Pearl damn it open the door!"

Pearl who??

"Noo!! Mama"

That voice and that Pearl is now gone...a python has risen within my deepest soul and she wanted to cause disaster.

She wanted to make everyone suffer and feel her pain...feel her struggle and with one last gun shot on the celling I felt relief and a blocked noise.. I stood up in a smoky room filled with the smoky smell that increased my adrenaline and anger.

I looked at the mirror to meet red eyes and tears that still feel with each thought of that dream.

"Pearl is only 3 in the morning... open up and we can talk ok?" Stephanie whispered with a soft knock.

Talk my ass.

I managed an eyeroll and slid down on the cold floored tiles. I hissed at the cold contact and rested my head on the floor and managed to sleep with the cigar still in my mouth and a steamy mind.

*****

"PEARL!!" Kieran's husky voice woke me up making me wince and open my heavy eyes before sitting down on my ass and blinked rapidly.

The floor was an evidence of my sins and the air still had that scent..the cigar that was in my mouth was now out of light and the gun sat there...five feet away.

Tiny boxes were everywhere and so where the overused cigarettes. I still felt high and a headache.

"PEARL!! Open up you freaky Bitch!!"

Oh right Kieran sure knows how to talk to a pained individual. I looked at the celling finding tiny holes that held my little breakdown.

Gosh I need to go to School and tame myself before I do something worse.

I crawled to the tub and filled it with water hearing signs of relief echo outside the room. I managed to stand up and fill the tub with my lavander bubble soap before taking off the panties and bra that i had on.

I took my time to in clean myself..I need to do disaster and now if not fast.

The creak school is the one..the perfect place to unleash my inner snake.

And I was coming.