In Red

Chapter 25

CELESTE STIRRED UP THINGS INSIDE ROXANNE. IN ADDITION TO increasing, if that were even possible, her aversion to Mr. Harris – and Leonard for bringing him into their lives –, she left her thinking, for a couple of days, about Alan. Mentally granting him a further period to come back with a good excuse, leaving the door to her heart ajar for him before closing it once and for all. Because it's really not that easy to conceive, even if she already knew of this experience through other people, that someone can show an interest in you and then, for no apparent reason, simply ignore you. She wondered if he might have noticed what she was starting to feel for Joseph, or if...

If she spent too much time wondering and worrying, she'd come up with so many theories that would explain why he'd changed his mind about her, and she'd, in the end, blame herself – she was sure because Lorraine had told her she and her mother each had felt that way after being abandoned.

She realized feeling guilty was the easiest thing to do, and yet the silliest. Whatever she'd done to attract Alan, she'd also done to push him away. Consciously nothing. And, besides, she didn't know him well enough to discern whether this was just his usual behavior. Furthermore, what did it matter? It was Joseph she was having increasingly stronger feelings for. So, why should she beat herself up about it? Nevertheless, she'd read enough love stories, fantasies though they were, to know that the first kiss is important and that it hurts to feel rejected, even if you don't care much for the rejecter. And common sense told her it was human and natural to feel that way. Luckily, there came a time when she received help to close the gap she'd left open.

Joseph once again proposed going away. This time, he gave her two options: going to the Earth or staying on Playa, where another medical research centre was being built and he might get a job.

"Playa is a fantastic place. I haven't had the chance to go yet, but I've seen pictures and I tell you it's quite a beauty. Its name means beach, and it was called that way because the beaches there are comparable to – sometimes superior to – the most beautiful ones on Earth. And it is so much closer. It would only require five months of travel, not a year, and I'm sure there we could create a whole new life, at our pace, away from bad memories."

Roxanne wasn't sure whether Joseph's words involved the things she was understanding.

"I'd like us to date," he finally clarified. "I'd like you to get to know me better and see if you feel like spending the rest of your life with me. If you didn't," he added, preventing her by all possible means from feeling overwhelmed, "it would be OK. I'd be equally delighted to be there, to work there... and help the four of you to settle, or to travel to the Earth if you eventually decided to.

It doesn't mean, however, that my feelings for you are so weak it'd be fine for me either way. I mean..."

Roxanne gave him no chance to say anything else. She stood on tiptoe and closed his mouth with her lips. She right away felt Joseph was kissing her back and she was like floating on air, chills all over her body. Nothing to do with the kiss briefly received that night on top of the hill.

"Yes, Joseph, we'll go with you. And I know you'd have helped us anyway, out of friendship. So, whatever happens between you and me in the future, I thank you for giving us all this opportunity."

"You don't have to thank me at all. Besides, after everything that's happened, I need a change of scenery myself."

Roxanne took advantage of this moment of union to free her heart of an issue that was tormenting her.

"Joseph, I have even come to think I want to stay to... to kill Leonard for what he did to my mother, and Mr. Harris for stealing those two lives: Violet's and... Well, you know about Celeste."

"Yes."

"Are you horrified?"

"No, I'm not horrified. In fact, I've seriously considered it myself, you know? 'Cause they really deserve that and, on top of it all, they live in a world where they can get away with it. But the thing is, if we did – either you or I –, I'm convinced we wouldn't be able to live with something like that. No matter how much they do deserve it, I know neither of us would be well afterwards."

To Roxanne, Joseph's opinion was tremendously helpful and freed her conscience from a big burden, which had come on top of the existing pain.