24 hours

You may never

I sat crying in the corner of my room, facing the drab white wall, well aware that my Mother was watching me. My black eyes swollen and red because I had been crying and crying for 12 days straight.

Ah, twelve days. Twelve days since I had been inside the line that encircled my bedroom and bathroom. Twelve days since the man from the church had marked the place I had to stay in for the rest of my life with a chalk.

You may never go out of the circle and you may not let anyone in the circle.

I looked around my room and sighed. So this was it, then. I had always wanted the unexpected and this definitely had been unexpected.

"Aria, baby, would you like some food?" I heard my Mother ask me.

"No, mum, I'm fine," I muttered.

"But darlin-" her voice cracked and I turned to look at her.

And in her eyes I saw such pain. So much pain. And hurt. And damage that I had to look away from the awful, guilt inducing glare of it all.

After a few minutes I sensed her go back to her room.

I knew, ok? I knew just how much pain I was putting her through. I knew I should pass some hope or at least be brave because at night I heard her wake from her nightmares, screaming my name.

And I heard my Father's voice trying to soothe her and be brave for all of us but failing miserably at it. And I heard them sobbing and then I heard the silence. The eerie and guilt-packed silence in which my demons screamed .

The silence I couldn't sleep in so I had to stay up all night and sleep in the daylight. I slept when the morning traffic passed by and the sunshine came in. I bathed in the noise and the light. In the beautiful and cruel imposter, believing I was out there. That I was breathing.

But I wasn't.

I wiped my tears and looked at my reflection. And in the mirror on the wall, I saw a stupid girl whose immature actions had a very, very tough price that everyone had to pay.

And suddenly it became too much. Too much. 

I started having visions, then. My life flashing through her mind like a movie.

The day I met Niall, my hate-love bestfriend-

The day he confessed his feelings towards me and I rejected him with a forced laugh-

The day, that awful day, I had gone to the grave yard with the man-whore Jack-

The day it all went wrong-

So wrong that I couldn't and I can't fix it-

The day-

That day-

And so I picked up a blade. Not used since the day I met my annoying, over-protective, idiotic, brilliant bestfriend. 

And I placed it on my wrist. I didn't want to live this way so why live at all?

And tears streamed down my face like they did twelve days ago.

So yeah that's it...woo hoo. Proud of me or what? No? Oka