True Colors

Mixed Emotions

March 1, 2019

Apollo attended the funeral of Bradley James Ward, not out of love for the man who had decided to abandon his family, but in support of the woman who had fully accepted the task of raising four young children on her own. His siblings had come as well, though his brothers had no great love for their father and Mallory had never even met the man. Renee had kept Amber at home, since the young girl had a lot of energy and Renee herself was only two weeks from her due date.

Leila was also present. She had insisted on coming, though he wasn't exactly sure why. She had no relationship with the man, except through Apollo and his family. Regardless, he was glad to have the two most important women in his life by his side in this moment: his teary-eyed mother on his left and a somber Leila on his right.

As the pastor droned on and on about how loved Mr. Ward had been, Apollo glanced around. The attendees of the funeral took up a pew and a half. His three siblings, his mother, Leila and himself in one and both pairs of grandparents in the pew behind them. The pastor was right. Bradley James Ward had been loved. By his parents. By his wife. By his children. He had been loved by friends and family alike, until he decided he needed a fresh start, and the only way to get that was by abandoning those who loved him.

He had been loved. But he had thrown that love out the window and never looked back.

Yes, he'd been loved, several years ago. And after he disregarded that love, he'd been mourned. They mourned the loss of a loved one back then. His death had only reinforced that loss.

The only one of them who seemed to have been affected by the situation was his mother. Apollo knew that she had always cared for him, even after he left. As his soulmate, she would always hold him in her heart.

Apollo couldn't imagine what it was like to lose a soulmate. If anything ever happened to Leila... he'd likely go mentally insane. She was his other half in every way, shape, and form. He was pretty sure he couldn't live without her. In fact, the mere thought of life without her... it was making him feel things he'd never felt before.

As if sensing his thoughts, Leila took his hand, intertwining their fingers and holding tight. "It's okay. I'm here," she whispered.

"Thanks for coming." He leaned closer to her. "I'm glad you're here."

Leila leaned into his side. "We need to talk after this."

He nodded before returning his attention to the sermon. She deserved to know what was going on in his mind. It was only fair that she knew the whole story.

~ ~ ~

"What's going on?"

Apollo took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I've never told anyone about this. Not even my mom. I'm trusting you with this."

She nodded solemnly. "I understand. And I'm here for you."

"When my dad left, I couldn't figure out why. And for a while, I had myself convinced that it was my fault," he said. "I mean, think about it. Six years old and your dad just leaves. Doesn't tell anyone where he's going or why. Just up and gone."

"But it wasn't your fault," Leila insisted.

"I know that now." He shrugged. "But back then, I wasn't very good at expressing my emotions, physically or verbally. I'd just hide it inside and wait for it to go away. Which didn't really work. Actually it didn't work at all."

Leila cocked an eyebrow. "You blew up?"

He chuckled. "That's an understatement. When I was sixteen, a kid in my English class made a snide remark about my mom not being "good enough" for my dad and that's why he left. After ten years of holding things in and silently stewing, I just exploded."

He sheepishly ducked his head. "I may or may not have shoved him against the wall and screamed in his face while crying my eyes out. Not exactly my proudest moment."

"How much detention did you get for that?" she laughed.

"Two days of in-school suspension and two weeks of detention after that. But the point is, that's when I finally realized that it wasn't my fault and that it was okay for me to express how I felt. I'd been living a lie for ten years and it just suddenly clicked that there was no reason for that. That awful moment turned my whole life around. It made me realize what I wanted to do in life."

Leila's eyebrows scrunched up. Apollo didn't talk about his job very often, so she was probably wondering what he would say next. "I want to help people, but in a modern way," he added. "A lot of people don't want to see a therapist or go to motivational seminars because they don't want people to know that they have problems. But the radio broadcasting company I work with... we make podcasts and radio segments about different kinds of trauma and mental illnesses, as well as how the listener can help themselves or a loved one who suffers from that condition." He knew he was rambling and gesturing wildly, but he didn't care. "We have online support groups and websites and more. I want to help people, but I'm not qualified to do that. I don't share the experiences of most of our listeners. So the best I can do is make sure they have someone who is qualified, someone who does share similar experiences and can actually help them."

"Apollo," Leila interrupted, "that is the most amazing thing I have ever heard of. I wish something like that had existed when my parents died, because I could have really used that. And I know that so many other people need that support and must be so grateful for your company. I'm so, so proud of you and what you're doing."

She placed a hand on his cheek and Apollo leaned into her touch. "Thanks. You know what? You could be a special guest on a broadcast sometime. You wouldn't host the show, just answer a few questions, maybe give some advice-"

"Slow down," she laughed. "I literally just learned about this whole thing. Give me some time to process this whole thing before you throw me on a live radio broadcast."

"Right, sorry."

She smiled. "But I'd love to. Maybe in a month or two. Let me see what it's all about so I don't say the wrong thing and bring the entire company to the ground."

He kissed her softly, and though it was short, there was so much emotion and love poured into it. "You could never ruin anything."

"Except apparently peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"What kind of person uses chunky peanut butter on a PB&J?!"

"Me! That's who!"

A/N: For the record, I totally made up that whole radio broadcast thing. As far as I know, it doesn't actually exist, but I think it's a pretty good idea. Again, if you need to talk about anything, I can't guarantee I'll know how to help or anything, but I can guarantee that I'll listen and try to support you in any way I possibly can.

I really appreciate those who have stuck with this story and continued to read. My other story has a lot more reads than this one, but that makes me appreciate these readers so much more. So thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this latest installment to the story!