I wonder what it's like to know you.
I wish I was one of those people who made your closed lips break into your perfect smile just by entering the room.
I wish I was somebody you could trust.
Trust with those crazy ideas that must run through your head, as they often do for normal people.
But you never just seemed normal to me.
I have often wished to rub my fingers through your hair and put my head on your chest,
as if being close to your head and your heart would help me understand you.
I have always felt really strongly for you.
I just never figured out if it was good or bad.
Until now.
I don't just want to be someone you pass on your way to class anymore,
I want to be the person you change your way to class for, just on the off chance that we might bump into each other.
I want to be the person you tell stories to.
I want you to think of me whenever you see the color blue. You know the color blue I'm talking about.
It's the one that brings out the color of my eyes, because it is the color of my eyes. I want you to see past the blue and see all the snarky, snappy sass, the strong sullen and solemn sadness that built in me for years.
Embrace me in my entirety.
Notice the brave. Notice the daring.
Look past the exterior you think you see on me.
I am strong and am worth your time.
And if you still don't want me after all of that, it's fine.
I respect you enough to honor your decision.
I will go back to being the girl who sits just a few seats away from you.
Wanting you. Silently.
I will still survive when I see you smile at the girl of whom I am so jealous.
I will be strong.
I will quiet my lust and longing.
I will move on.
