Knife Ears

Departion of the Heart

The day he left
The war had finally ended, it was over. I took in my surroundings, there was no way we could go back to before, the level of destruction and bloodshed confirmed that. In the corner of my eye I saw Solas kneeled in front of something "Vhenan?(Heart?)" He didn't answer so I wandered a little closer to the mage "Solas?" I peeked to see the remains of the orb shattered at his knees, one piece in his hands. "I'm so sorry Vhenan.Is there anyway to fix it? restore its power?(Heart)"

He shook his head "this-this wasn't your fault, Vhenan. And no, it can't be repaired (Heart)" he put the quarter back on the floor and stood "we'll find a way, Solas. We always do" his head turned over his shoulder as if to look at me but he couldn't bring himself to go that far "there's more, isn't there?" I heard him sigh and knew the next thing he was about to say would hurt us - hurt me. I braced for his harsh but gentle words of wisdom which would probably be something like ' this is wrong' or 'this isn't working out'. He finally turned his face enough to look me in the eye without properly looking at me.

"It wasn't meant to happen this way, I want you to know, what we had was real" I got the message clearly "inquisitor! Are you a'live?!" I looked in the direction of Josephine then back at Solas, I knew I needed to go to her but my Vhenan needed me more "Go." With every word he said, the more knives were jabbed into my heart. Without thinking, I told the mage the words that played in my head "Solas, yar lath vir suledin (our love will endure)" I started to walk away as I saw his head whip around to face me. But I was already walking away by that point. There wasn't a single part of me that either didn't hurt or didn't regret what I'd just done but if he had the nerve to turn around and say that as if the whole thing was a joke after all these years, I had some nerve to give myself a break.

It always seemed to be kissing that he'd walk away from, and I'd never walked away before so this was my first time. I rejoined the others proving that I was alive, when I looked over my shoulder, Solas was no where to be found. This just made our words seem all too real and permanent. I forced myself to look forward and smile weakly as we walked towards the rest of the inquisition, I alone walked the stairs but halfway up I paused to look for my elven Vhenan but he was gone...forever. I held my composure as I was shown off to the people and waved honourably. One war had just ended but as soon as it did, another more private one had begun, it was never really over.

As soon as it was all over,  I found refuge in my quarters and laid on the bed for hours letting the tears fall. I jerked up as I heard a knock at the door "madam inquisitor? Are you alright?" I smiled weakly at the sound of leliana's smooth voice "it's open leliana" her expression dropped as soon as she saw me "I didn't see Solas return with everyone else, I feared the worst - and I guess now I know" I took her hands in mine "as soon as the battle finished, he told me 'what we had was real' then Josephine called but-but I didn't move. It was only when he said I could, I did so. Then he was gone"

She brought me into a hug "I'll have the scouts search for him, he couldn't of gotten far" I looked down over her shoulder "I just want an explanation" she pulled away and looked me dead in the eye with her hands clamped to my shoulders "you'll get one" I scoffed "something tells me I won't" I took a deep breath "I'm gonna get some air" I stood shakily wandering out onto the balcony where the cold crisp air killed me - but I was already dead.