Alone

Pain

I'm not afraid of killing myself

I'm afraid of failing

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I walked into the school building regretting it instantly. I had dance class for first period. I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair. Dance class is always bad for me. I always have a bad time in dance class. All I see is skinny people in there it makes me feel self conscious about my self. Whenever i walk in the class, they stare at me then start whispering to each other.

I walked in class and as usual they stared and whispered. I put my gym bag down because it was heavy. "She probably has twinkies in that bag." Someone whispered thinking I didn't here them. She started the music and we all started dancing.

"Princess!" Some yelled, I turned around trying to see who called me. I looked towards the entrance and saw Jacob! He's my best friend I swear I love that boy so much. I ran towards the door and jumped in Jacob's arms. He caught me and hugged me back. I haven't seen him in months! We walked into the hallway and I got down.

"Sorry I'm too heavy for you to pick me up." I said embarrassed at myself for jumping on him.

"Your not fat!" Jacob yelled defending me.

"Jacob stop lying to me! I know what I am! I'm fat! I'm ugly! I have scars on my body! who finds that attractive? Nobody. Stop lying to me because at the end of day I'm only going to have more scars!" I yelled at him. It's only the truth. I refuse to be lied too. Jacob looked at me and frowned.

"Your still cutting?" He asked even though he already knew the answers. I looked away from him knowing he was staring at me.

"Look I couldn't stop. It's like a drug. A medicine. It's something I need, it helps me forget about my problems." I said ashamed. Jacob kissed my cheek.

"Baby girl you have to stop." He said smiling at me.

"Okay daddy Jay!" I laughed.

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Jacob and I were in his room watching tv and talking. We were Laing on his bed just relaxing. Soon Jacob got in the shower and I started dozing off. "Princess wake up." Jacob said as he shook me. I looked up to him in nothing but a towel, did I mention he has a body! I stared at him for too long. "Like what you see!" He chuckled. "Yep!" I giggled at him. He leaned over me and stared in my eyes. He leaned closely and kissed me. I kissed back and we both ended up on the bed. Right as I rubbed my hands through his hair he stopped and sat up.

"Why did you stop?" I asked confused.

.......

"Jacob, I love you! Always have always will! you make me nervous and I just don't know what to do. I love you so much!" I said to him. He was quiet for a moment.

"I don't feel the same." He said bluntly giving me a "Kanye look." I stared at him and burst out crying. How could he not love me back. I just confessed my feelings for him and that's all he could say! I got my heavy butt up and ran out the door.

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't love me.

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME!

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Well that's more cuts added to my wrists!